"ANGELS IN 'THE HOUSE.'"
"Now that's very odd indeed," said Tomlinson. "Just as you came up Parker Smith said to me 'Here comes Tommy Bowles; good fellow; means well; but don't you think he's making himself something of a bore?'"
So Parker Smith lost his chance, and perhaps will never know how or why. Thinking of these things 'tis quaint to find Tommy turning and biting the hand which, so to speak, held for him the Parliamentary bottle. "Et tu, Bowlsey!" Grandolph sighed again, thinking of the days that are no more. "But I ought to have remembered that he who plays at Bowles must expect rubbers."
Business done.—Tommy declines to make room for his Uncle Grandolph; even rudely repulses avuncular advances.
Tuesday.—Sexton magnanimously relieved Mr. G., John Morley, and, by implication, Squire of Malwood and other Members, from embarrassing imputation. Sometimes, when gentlemen in Prince Arthur's suite have nothing nastier to say, they sketch lurid pictures of Mr. G. and the rest drawn at wheels of Sexton's chariot. All very well, they say, to talk of Cabinet Meetings, and statesmanship at Irish Office. The real boss, as Tim would put it, the arbiter of situation, is Sexton. When these things are said, John Morley smiles grimly; Mr. G. pretends not to hear; Squire of Malwood audibly raps fingers on his manly breast; Liberals cheer ironically; Sexton blushes, and looks across to see if John Redmond is listening.
To-night he feels this thing has gone far enough. There may, perhaps, be some smattering of truth in it; but its disclosure cannot be pleasant to his right hon. friends on Treasury Bench. Accordingly Sexton rose, and, taking Mr. G. by the hand, as it were, and giving a finger to John Morley, declared that there was no foundation for the imputation. It was true he had from time to time offered suggestions, the appositeness and value of which it was not for him to determine. Occasionally they might have been accepted by the Government. That was due not to the pressure of dictation, but to the force of reason. Mr. Morley was a statesman not unacquainted with affairs, whilst Mr. G. had reached an age at which he might be trusted with some share in the conduct of a Bill. He could assure the House that he was not, in this matter, dictator. Such a charge was, he added, in burst of uncompromising self-abnegation, "imbecile."
"And they say," cried Webster, for him unusually mixed, "that Irishmen have no sense of humour."
Business done.—Sexton generously puts Mr. G. right in eyes of Universe.
"He declared that there was no foundation for the imputation."
Thursday Night.—Been remarked of late, in quarter behind Front Opposition Bench, that Theobald has appeared preternaturally preoccupied. Thought he was brooding over the drought, or the prospects of Home Rule. Secret out to-night. Been concocting a joke; taken him some time; but, then, consider the quality. Some weeks ago order issued in Ireland prohibiting hoisting of flags on hotels, and other private buildings. Theobald diligently concentrating his thoughts upon this fresh iniquity, gradually worked out his joke. Appeared on paper to-night in shape of question addressed to John Morley. Supposing (so it runs) Her Majesty should visit Ireland, and stay in an hotel, would the Government take measures to legalise the hoisting of the Royal Standard on the building?
Delightful to watch Theobald when he had fired this bolt; fixed his eye attentively on Mr. G., to see how he took it, the paper in his hand trembling with excitement. Didn't often make a joke; doesn't remember a former occasion. Work somewhat exhausting, especially in hot weather; but when he did take his coat off and set to it must be admitted he turned out a rare article. All very well for John Morley to affect to make light of the business. Not very probable that when the Queen visited Ireland she would put up at an hotel; a hypothetical question; deal with the question when it arises, and all the rest of Ministerial commonplaces. Theobald's shaft had gone home, and when he saw Mr. G. wince, and Squire of Malwood grow pale, he felt that the continuous labour of nights and days was rewarded.
"Didn't think I could do it," he said when I warmly congratulated him. "Not used to that sort of thing, you know. Never know what you can do till you try. A little hard at first. The thing is to keep pegging away. Still, I'm glad it's over. Shan't try another this year. Shall go away now for a bit of a holiday to recruit."
Business done.—Got through Clauses Home-Rule Bill. Shall begin now to pick up dropped threads.
Friday.—Not heard much lately of Henniker-Heaton. Compared with what my dear old friend Raikes used to suffer from this quarter, Arnold Morley's withers are unwrung. "You've not given up the crusade, have you?" I asked Henniker, meeting him in the Lobby just now.
"No," he said; "I do not mean to rest till not only I get Ocean Penny Postage, but have introduced at home a smaller but much-needed reform. Custom here at Christmas is, as I daresay you know, to give postman present. That I hold to be a criminal reversal of natural course of events. It's the Post-Office should give its customers a Christmas-box, as in some places doth the grocer and eke the milkman. This tax upon the general public on behalf of a department of the State is another evidence of the grasping disposition of St. Martin's-le-Grand. I'll be up and at 'em again soon. Fact is, of late I've had my own troubles. Have mentioned them in letter to Times, so don't mind talking to you on a subject that has brought me from unknown admirers many expressions of sympathy, the comfort of which has, it is true, been somewhat lessened by the fact that postage was unpaid. It's this Australian Bank business. You know the proud motto of that great Colony beyond the Sea, 'Advance, Australia!' Well, having lived there sometime, I thought it only polite to fall in with the suggestion. I advanced Australia a good deal of money in the way of purchase of bank stock, which has melted away like snow on the river. Curran's in the same box: but we shall get over this, and you may bet a shilling postage-stamp to a halfpenny newspaper-cover we'll Advance Australia no more."
Business done.—Entered last compartment Home-Rule Bill.