AT THE WORLD'S WATER SHOW.
The performance has begun. Captain Boyton has just descended the Chute in a boat, with a bevy of lightly-clad young ladies waving flags with shrill enthusiasm. Canadians, Indians, and Negroes row various craft containing Beauties of the Ballet about the Lake. An elderly Negress stands on an island, and waves a towel encouragingly at things in general. Two Clowns, accompanied by a futile individual disguised as a Frog, start to run round the margin of the Lake with a gallant determination to be funny, but abandon the attempt after making a quarter of the distance, and complete the circuit with a subdued and chastened demeanour.
Mr. Bravo (to Mr. Blazzey, enthusiastically). Capital show this—wonderfully well arranged!
Mr. Blazzey (screwing up his eyes). Y—yes. Better if they'd had water running down the incline, though, and sent all the boats in that way.
Mr. Bravo. Don't see how they could pump up water enough for that, myself; and if they did, it would all run through at the sides!
Mr. Blazz. (ignoring any hydraulic difficulties). Oh, they could have dodged that if they chose; anyway, that's how it ought to have been managed!
Miss Frivell (to Mr. Hoplight). I can hardly believe this is the same place where Buffalo Bill gave his performance only last year, can you? It all looks so different!
"I find no difficulty in recognising it, myself."
Mr. Hopl. (after ponderous consideration.) I find no difficulty in recognising it, myself. The difference you observe is due to the fact that the arena which was originally constructed for—er—displays of horsemanship requires to undergo some considerable—er—structural alterations before being equally well adapted to a performance in which—er—boating and swimming form the—er—principal features.
Miss Friv. (with exemplary gravity). I see. You mean there must be water?
Mr. Hopl. Water is undoubtedly an—er—indispensable element in such an exhibition.
Miss Friv. How clever of you to know that! But perhaps someone told you?
Mr. Hopl. (modestly). I arrived at it by the—er—light of my own unassisted intelligence.
Miss Friv. Did you? Not really! "How far that little candle throws his beams!" (To herself.) I didn't mean to be so rude as that! But he's no business to be such a bore!
Mr. Bravo (after the Sculling-race between Ross and Bubear). That was a good race, eh? They're the champion scullers, you know.
Mr. Blazz. Don't see the point of setting 'em to race here, though. Rather like running the Derby in a riding-school!
A Sympathetic Lady (during the Swimming-race). How well those girls do swim! I suppose they go under first, and then come up again. But how damp they must get, to be sure, doing that twice a day! I daresay they never get their hair properly dry from one week's end to another. I should think that must be so uncomfortable for them, you know. However, they seem to be having plenty of fun among themselves. I wish we could hear what they are saying; but there's so much to look at, that one misses most of it!
[A Pontoon is moved out into the centre of the Lake, and three "Rocky Mountain Wonders" give an entertainment on board. The first Wonder constructs the letter A with himself and two high ladders, up which the other two run nimbly. They meet at the top with mutual surprise, and a touch of resentment, as if each had expected at least to find solitude there. The Second Wonder lies down on his back resignedly, and the Third, meanly availing himself of the opportunity, stands on his friend's stomach, and strikes an attitude. Both descend and bow, in recognition of applause, and then each starts up his ladder again—only to meet once more at the top, more surprised and annoyed than ever. The Third Wonder refuses to be appeased unless he is allowed to hold the Second head downwards by the ankles. After further amenities of this kind they come down, apparently reconciled, and are towed back to the shore.
Miss Friv. Is that supposed to be an illustration of life on the Rocky Mountains?
Mr. Hopl. (bringing the full powers of his mind to bear on the subject). I should be inclined to doubt myself whether it afforded any accurate idea of either the industry or the—er—relaxations peculiar to that region, which can hardly be favourable to such pursuits.
Miss Friv. They might find it useful for escaping from a grizzly, mightn't they?
Mr. Hopl. Hardly, if, as I have always been given to understand, the grizzly bear is an equally expert climber. I imagine their title of "Rocky Mountain Wonders" is merely indicative of their—er—origin, and that their performances would indeed excite more wonder in their native country than anywhere else. One should always guard against taking these things in too literal a spirit.
[Miss F. assents demurely, and is suddenly moved to mirth, as she is careful to explain, by the sight of a Nigger, which, Mr. H. very justly remarks, is scarcely a subject for so much amusement.
Mr. Bravo (after the Corps de Ballet have performed various evolutions on a large raft). I call that uncommonly pretty, all those girls dancing there in the sunlight, eh?
Mr. Blazz. Pretty enough—in its proper place.
Mr. Bravo (losing his patience at last). Why, hang it all, you wouldn't have the Ballet danced under water, would you?
Mr. Blazz. Well, it would be more of a novelty, at any rate.
[Mr. Bravo decides that "it was a mistake to come out with a chap like Blazzey."