"THE PAPER OF THE DAY AFTER TO-MORROW."
[In one of the magazines an entire article has been transmitted to the office, not by the post, but by mental suggestion.—News paragraph.]
SCENE—Editor's Room of "The Mental Mirror of the Universe." TIME—An hour before publication. Editor and Chief-Sub. discovered in consultation.
Editor. Dear me, Mr. Payste, this is very annoying! Debate on Africa in the House to-night, and our leader-writer has sent in no copy! Why did you not communicate with me?
Chief-Sub. Well, Sir, as you were dining with the Duke, I did not like to disturb you, especially as I had arranged matters. I have got some one else to knock off the article.
Ed. Very good, and where does it come from?
Chief-Sub. I turned on the mentophone and found Lord Macaulay disengaged.
Ed. Of course he writes smartly enough, but I should have thought he was scarcely sufficiently well-up in the subject.
Chief-Sub. So he said, Sir: so we applied to Sir Walter Raleigh, who has sent in a good column.
Ed. His English, I am afraid, is a trifle old-fashioned.
Chief Sub. Well, yes, Sir; a little. But I gave it to one of our subs. who has made black letter a study, and between them they have turned out a very decent leader. Sorry to say the wire has broken down between London and the seat of the war, so we have no despatches.
Ed. Distinctly annoying! However, I think I can put myself in communication with our special. (Takes a pen in his right hand, and commences writing.) Well, what next?
Chief Sub. But shall I not disturb you?
Ed. Not at all; my right hand is in sympathy with Longbow, so I need not pay any attention to what he is sending us until he gets to the end of his copy. Everything else right?
Chief Sub. I think I may venture to say "Yes," Sir. Mrs. Covers, who does our reviews, has neglected to send in her stuff, but I have used the mentophone again in that case. Put on Charles Lamb. And I think that's all, save, as there is a letter about the authorship of Hamlet, I have got William Shakspeare to answer it himself. And now, Sir, I would suggest that, as we are rather full up this evening, you might conclude that dispatch as quickly as possible.
Ed. My hand has just done writing. (Gives copy to Chief Sub.) Anything worth a line for the bill?
Chief Sub. (after perusal). Well, yes, Sir. I find there has been a battle, so we may as well give that.
Ed. Everything right now?
Chief Sub. Everything, Sir.
Ed. Well, now you can send down the paper to press as soon as you please. (Exit Chief Sub. to carry out directions.) Dear me! It really simplifies matters considerably when waves of thought will do as well as the electric telegraph.
[The Curtain falls upon the Editor's very natural reflection.
