UNDER THE ROSE.
(A Story in Scenes.)
Scene XIV.—The Study at Hornbeam Lodge.
Time—Saturday night, about 11.30. Mr. Toovey is alone.
Mr. Toovey (to himself). Oh the inestimable blessing of having nothing on one's mind again! How providential that I found Larkins in! He was a little unsympathetic at first, to be sure; he would have it that I must have known all along what the Eldorado really was! but as soon as he saw how strongly I felt about it, he was most helpful. I could not have gone to that place this evening; how could I have met Cornelia's eye after it? As it is, I can face her without—— Surely she is later than usual from this Zenana meeting! (Wheels are heard outside.) A cab? I do hope nothing is the matter! Why, that sounds like—like a latchkey! Can it be—ah!—a dispute with the cabman—it must be Cornelia!
[The front door bangs.
A Voice (in earnest remonstrance through the keyhole). 'Ere, I say, you don't sneak off like that, you know! I knowed you was no good the minnit I clapped eyes on you! Are you going to gimme my legal fare or not? I ain't goin' till I git it. I want another shellin' orf o' you I do!
Mr. Toov. (to himself). Another shilling? Why, it's under a mile! He little knows my wife's principles if he expects——
The Voice. You orter be ashimed o' yourself! A lydy like you to tyke a man orf his rank at this toime o' noight, all the w'y from——(The front door is hastily unlocked again.) Thankee, mum, thankee; lor, I only want what's my doo, and the distance 'ere from——
[The door shuts with a bang.
Mr. Toov. She's given him the extra shilling—she can't be well! I'm afraid she's really poorly. She's gone into the drawing-room, but there are no lights there. She'll be here directly.
[He sits up expectantly.
Mrs. Toov. (to herself, in the hall). Just as I expected. Theophilus not home yet! I shall sit up for him in the study. (She opens the study door, and starts.) So there you are, Pa! And pray when did you come in?
Mr. Toov. (mildly). Yes, my love, here I am; I've been in a long while, quite a long while.
Mrs. Toov. (to herself). And he imagines I believe that! (Aloud.) I understood you intended to spend the evening with Charles.
Mr. Toov. So I did, my dear, so I did. I went to his rooms.
Mrs. Toov. And you went out somewhere together, Pa? Come, you won't deny that!
Mr. Toov. (to himself). What a mercy I didn't go to that Eldorado! I should have had to tell her! (Aloud.) Why you see we—we didn't go anywhere. I found Charles was engaged to dine with a friend, so I went away again.
Mrs. Toov. (to herself). A very likely story! Where has Theophilus learnt such brazen duplicity? (Aloud.) Oh! and then of course you came straight home?
Mr. Toov. Why, no, my love; not immediately. I—I suddenly recollected that I had to see a friend on—on a little matter of business which was—hem—somewhat pressing, so I went there first of all.
Mrs. Toov. (to herself, contemptuously). Exactly the excuse in all those horrid songs! (Aloud.) And the business kept you rather late, eh, Pa? Some business is apt to do so, I know!
Mr. Toov. (to himself). She makes me almost feel as if I'd gone after all! (Aloud.) I was a little late, my dear, not so very. I suppose I must have been home between eight and nine, and Phœbe brought me up some nice cold mutton and the apple-tart, so I did very well, very well indeed.
Mrs. Toov. (to herself). If he is deceiving me, I can soon find out from the look of the joint and tart!
Mr. Toov. By the way, my love, surely you are rather late this evening, are you not? it's nearly twelve!
Mrs. Toov. (to herself, with a start). Oh, but I will not fib unless he forces me to. (Aloud.) I—I was detained later than I expected.
Mr. Toov. And you didn't expect to be back so very early either, for you took the latchkey, didn't you?
Mrs. Toov. I happened to find it, Pa, and I thought I might as well use it—and why not?
Mr. Toov. It was most thoughtful of you, my love, to think of saving Phœbe. By the way, do you notice——? (He looks round him suspiciously.) Ah, well, it may be my fancy. And you had a successful meeting? were there many interesting speeches?
Mrs. Toov (choking). As—as interesting as usual, Theophilus! (To herself.) I 'm sure that's true enough!
Mr. Toov. And supper provided afterwards, I suppose? Which accounts for your being late. Dear—dear me!
[His face grows troubled again.
Mrs. Toov. Is there any reason why there shouldn't be supper afterwards, Pa?
Mr. Toov. Not in that house. Our dear friends the Cumberbatches do everything on such a truly hospitable scale. Now, most people in their position would have considered tea and coffee and sandwiches quite sufficient. Was it a hot supper, my love?
Mrs. Toov. (desperately). Yes—no—rather hot—I didn't notice. You ask such preposterous questions, Theophilus!
Mr. Toov. I didn't mean to. I was just a little surprised, do you know, at your taking a cab for such a short distance. I thought you might have felt unwell; but perhaps dear Mrs. Cumberbatch insisted——
Mrs. Toov. Why, of course, Pa; you know how kind and considerate she is; otherwise I should never have dreamed of——
Mr. Toov. Just what I thought, my love. But wasn't the cabman rather uncivil? I wonder you gave way to him—unless, of course, he was drunk.
Mrs. Toov. He was—disgracefully drunk, Pa; if you heard so much, you must have noticed that; and how you could sit quietly here and never think of coming to my assistance! Ah, it is hardly for you to reproach me for submitting to his extortion!
Mr. Toov. Indeed, my love, I'd no idea—you are generally so very firm with cabmen that—— (Changing the subject.) By-the-bye, I don't know if you noticed a note for you lying on the hall table? It must have come after you left. It looked to me wonderfully like dear Mrs. Cumberbatch's writing, but what could she have to write about when she would be seeing you directly? Did she allude to it at all?
Mrs. Toov. From Eliza Cumberbatch? No; at least, she—I'll go and get it. (She goes into the hall and finds the note.) Good gracious, it is Eliza's hand! (She reads it hurriedly under the hall-lamp.) "Just a line. Zenana meeting postponed at last moment. Will let you know when another day fixed. Well, it will save me the trouble of writing to her; but, oh dear, the stories I've been telling Pa! But he's as bad—I know he's as bad!
Mr. Toov. (as Mrs. T. returns). So you found the note, Cornelia, and what does Mrs. Cumberbatch say?
Mrs. Toov. (putting the note in the fire). It—it was only from—from my dressmaker. (To herself.) He drives me to this!
"Mrs. Toovey suddenly sits down, scarlet."
Mr. Toov. (again uneasy). Do you know, Cornelia, I—I may be wrong, but I've a very strong suspicion that——
Mrs. Toov. (in terror). Pa, speak out! In—in the name of Heaven, what is it you suspect?
Mr. Toov. It's getting stronger every moment. I'm sure of it. My love, there's a strange man downstairs in the kitchen!
Mrs. Toov. (with a gasp of relief). A man! Oh, this must be seen into at once! (She rings the bell furiously; presently Phœbe appears, evidently only half-awake.) Phœbe, what does this mean? I insist on the truth!
Phœbe. I'm very sorry m'm, but I'd no idea you was home, and I was sitting up for you downstairs, and I expect I must have dropped asleep, and never heard you come in.
Mrs. Toov. Don't attempt to deceive me! You are entertaining a man downstairs, contrary to all my orders. Yes, it's useless to deny it, your master has distinctly heard sounds.
Mr. Toov. No, my love, I can't exactly say as much as that—but—yes, every time the door opens it's more perceptible! (He sniffs.) Don't you observe yourself, my dear, a remarkably strong odour of tobacco-smoke? Now, as I never have been a smoker myself, it stands to reason that——
[Mrs. T. suddenly sits down, scarlet.
Phœbe (roused). I'm sure if you and master suspect me of concealing followers downstairs, you're welcome to search as much as you please! Cook's gone up to bed hours ago, and for a poor girl to be kep' up to this time o' night, and then have her character took away—why, I'm not accustomed to such treatment, and, what's more, put up with it I won't.
Mrs. Toov. (to herself, guiltily). It's that filthy smoke at the Eldorado! (Aloud.) Theophilus, how can you have such ridiculous fancies? Tobacco, indeed! I—I don't notice anything. Phœbe, it was a mistake of your master's; I don't blame you in the least. There, you've sat up long enough, go to bed, go, girl!
Phœbe. Beggin' your pardon, m'm, but insinuations have been descended to which I can't pass over in a hurry, and before I go I should wish——
Mrs. Toov. (feverishly). I tell you it was all a mistake. Your master will apologise for it. Pa, say you're sorry!
Phœbe. I don't require no apologies from master, m'm. I can make allowances for him—more partickler as there's no mistake about there being a smell of tobaccer-smoke. I don't wonder at anyone noticing it. It's your sending for me like this, and trying to shift the blame on the innercent, when all the time——
Mrs. Toov. (to herself). This is too intolerable! (Aloud.) Haven't I said I didn't blame you, you unreasonable girl! Let us have no more of this impertinence! Leave us!
Phœbe. I will, m'm, as soon as ever you can get suited, for, to tell you the truth, I don't like such goings on as these; and I'll take care I get a good character, too, or I'll know the reason why! (As she closes the door.) And I 'ope master will satisfy himself where the smell of tobacco reelly does come from, I'm sure; it isn't from downstairs!
[She vanishes, leaving Mrs. T. petrified.
Mr. Toov. You see, my love, it couldn't have been all my fancy, because Phœbe noticed it too. Dear me, it's late; I'd better go and see that everything is locked up. (As he passes Mrs. T.) It's very extraordinary. Surely they don't allow any of the missionaries to smoke at these Zenana meetings, my love—do they?
Mrs. Toov. Of course they don't. I—I am at a loss to understand you. Theophilus, and—and I am going to bed.
Mr. Toov. No, but really—— Why, I see how it was! Depend upon it, my dear, that cabman must have been sitting inside the vehicle smoking, with the windows up, before you got in. Yes, yes; that accounts for everything.
Mrs. Toov. (faintly). Do you think so, Theophilus? I—I remember noticing a smell of cigars.
Mr. Toov. (as he goes out). My poor dear love, what a trial for you; and you never complained! Now, when I see dear Mrs. Cumberbatch at church to-morrow, I must really caution her not to employ that cabman again—she may have taken his number, and he really ought to lose his licence—drunk, and smoking inside his cab! Oh, I shall tell her!
[He goes out.
Mrs. Toov. (alone). Pa shall not go to church to-morrow. I will take care of that, and by the time he sees Eliza again he will have forgotten all about it. Is he doing all this to cover his own misdoings? I can't rest till I know! I will make Charles tell me on Monday. But what if Pa is blameless? No, he must have been doing something he oughtn't to. It would be too horrible if it turned out that I—I am the only person who has been (she catches her breath with a shudder) "hi-tiddley-ing," as those vulgar wretches would call it! There 's only one comfort that I can see; nobody here is ever likely to know, unless I choose to betray myself. Oh dear! oh dear! I wish I could forget this awful evening!
[She ascends the stairs with a heavy and dispirited tread.
End of Scene XIV.
An Inquiry.—Miss Quota writes to ask us "where the following well-known lines are to be found:—
"'Eight hours to sleep, eight hours to food are given,
Eight hours to play, and all the rest to Heav'n.'"
[We are not sure, but imagine that they are to be found In the works of "Anon." Anyhow, better send to Editor of "Notes and Queries," who knows everything.—Ed.]
