"JUSTICE AS SHE IS SPOKEN IN FRANCE."
Dear Mr. Punch,—Now that we are close upon the silly season, when it is most difficult to get interesting "copy" for the columns of the daily papers, may I be permitted to make a suggestion? No doubt you have seen an account of the examination of Caserio Santo by the President of the Court on the occasion of his trial. Could not the idea be naturalised in London by the Metropolitan Police Magistrates? I would not, of course, propose to apply the method in cases of a serious character, but used in what are known as "the night charges," the practice would become very interesting. To better explain my meaning. I will imagine that a prisoner who has been arrested on a charge of being "drunk and incapable" is standing in front of his worship.
Magistrate (with sarcasm). You are sober now.
Prisoner (in the same tone). As a judge.
Magistrate (indignantly). Judges are always sober.
Prisoner (with a laugh). How should you know?—you, who are only a magistrate!
[Murmurs.
Magistrate. You insult me! But that will not serve you. Drink is the curse of the country!
Prisoner. You have tried it? It has been a curse to you!
[Cries of disapproval.
Magistrate. You are young to bandy words with one old enough to be your father!
Prisoner. My father! You my father! What an honour!
Magistrate. I do not envy him! Nor your mother!
Prisoner (excitedly). You shall not speak of my mother. My mother is sacred. She shall not be referred to in the tainted atmosphere of a Court of Justice.
[Applause.
Magistrate. This hypocrisy shall not serve you. You never loved your mother!
[Prolonged sensation.
Prisoner. Your worship, you are a liar!
[Loud cheers.
Magistrate. This to the Bench from the gutter! For you know you were found drunk and incapable in the gutter. What were you doing there?
Prisoner (tearfully). I was dreaming of my mother, my loved mother.
[Sympathetic applause.
Magistrate. You do not deserve to have a mother!
[Prolonged sensation.
Prisoner (scornfully]. Only a magistrate could make such a cold-blooded observation!
[Cheers.
Magistrate. For all that you are fined five shillings and costs! Remove the wretched prisoner!
[The accused was then removed amidst expressions of sympathy from the body of the Court.
There, Sir, would not that be far better reading than paragraphs about gigantic gooseberries and leaders upon the sea serpent? Perhaps my suggestion may be adopted in the proper quarter. Hoping that this may be the case, the police case,
I remain, Yours respectfully,
The Man in the Reporter's Box.