THE INCONVENIENCED TRAVELLER'S PHRASE-BOOK.
(To be Translated as Required.)
Why have you thrown my boxes down with such violence that their contents have become distributed on the platform?
Why is it necessary to strike me on the head with a stick because I am taking my proper place at the ticket-office?
Why have you refused to give me change for a sovereign, minus the eighteenpence you have the right to charge for my fare?
Why do you close the door of communication when I offer a remonstrance?
Why can I not obtain redress upon complaint to the station-master?
Why am I chased off the premises by a private policeman when I am anxious to catch the next train?
Why is my luggage being placarded with places that certainly do not correspond with my desired destination?
Why can I not have my tea cool enough to drink? and why I am hurried out of the refreshment-room before I can discuss my bread and butter?
Why must I pay half-a-crown for comestibles valued on the card at less than a shilling?
Why am I forced into a carriage already overcrowded with aged females, sickly children, and snarling spaniels?
Why can I not have a seat, considering I have paid the full fare, and amply tipped the guard?
Why can I not have a window open, considering that the glass stands at ninety in the shade?
Why can I not smoke, having chosen a smoking carriage?
Why should I be dictated to by a disagreeable and elderly stranger, who snores half the journey, and helps herself to ardent spirits in the tunnels?
Why should I be threatened with imprisonment, and be only pardoned by repaying my fare because I have lost my ticket?
And, lastly (for the present), why have I been carried to Little Peddlington-on-the-Ditch when I desired to reach the British Coast en route for Paris?