THE NOVELIST'S VADE MECUM.
(Compiled by a Publisher with strong views on the Subject.)
Question. Which do you prefer—a novel in three volumes, or in one single tome?
Answer. That is a matter that entirely depends upon terms.
Q. Then you are indifferent as to length?
A. In everything save the figures of a cheque.
Q. But is not Art your first consideration?
A. Certainly, when it leads to a substantial balance at my bankers.
Q. Then you write for your living?
A. Certainly, or I shouldn't live at all.
Q. Which do you prefer—a story produced in parts, or a story published as a whole?
A. Again a question of terms. Still, if remuneration is equal, sketches of character are easier than construction of plot.
Q. When is the latter necessary?
A. When the novel is written for a serial, and is published with the standing announcement (frequently repeated), "to be continued in our next."
Q. Is it difficult to sketch character?
A. Not if you do not mind irritating your friends and driving your foes into lunacy.
Q. How do you irritate your friends?
A. By reproducing in an amusing manner their peculiarities.
Q. And how do you madden your foes?
A. By passing them over in a dead silence, and sternly refusing to recognise their existence.
Q. How should you treat your contemporaries?
A. If you appreciate your work at its proper (that is to say, your own) value, you will not admire contemporaries.
Q. And what will you say of authors of the past?
A. That it is fortunate that they did live in the past, as they certainly do not exist in the present, and will certainly not revive in the future.
Q. How should you criticise a contemporary's novel?
A. If you are sure of his influencing a criticism of your own work favourably, praise his romance sky high. If he is, from a reviewer's point of view, a negligable quantity, why, treat him on that basis.
Q. Then what is your motto?
A. "Nothing for nothing."
Q. Do you consider a novelist's life the best possible form of existence?
A. I should say yes if I did not know of a form of existence to be even better.
Q. And what is that?
A. Inheriting a fortune, putting your hands in your pockets, and for the rest of your life doing nothing.
