THE MUSIC WITH A FUTURE.
(An Imaginary Sketch of How Things can not Possibly be Done.)
Scene—The Composing Room of an Illustrious Musician. The Illustrious Musician discovered deep in thought in front of a Piano.
Illustrious Musician (picking out the notes with one finger). "Dumty dumty, dumty dum dum." No, that isn't it! I am sure I had it just now. (Tries again.) "Dumty dumty, dumty dum dum." No, that's not it either! I must try it again—oh, of course, with Herr Von Bangemnöt. Now to summon him. (Blows trumpet). That ought to bring my aide-de-camp.
[Flourish of trumpets, drums; doors thrown open, and enter a Regiment of Infantry, with its full complement of officers.
Colonel (saluting). Your Majesty required assistance?
I. M. (considering). Yes, I knew I wanted something. Oh, to be sure. Will you please send Herr Von Bangemnöt to me at once.
Colonel (saluting). Yes, your Majesty. (To troops.) Right about turn.
[Flourish of trumpets, drums. The Regiment retires. Enter Herr Von Bangemnöt.
Herr Von Bangemnöt (making obeisance). Your Majesty required my assistance?
I. M. Well, scarcely that, old Double Bass. The fact is, I've just composed a very pleasing trifle, but I can't write it down for the life of me. Would you like to hear it?
H. V. B. Certainly, your Majesty. I shall be overjoyed.
I. M. Well, it goes like this—"Dumty dumty, dumty dum dum." See. "Dumty dumty, dumty dum dum." Now, you repeat it.
H. V. B. (who has been listening intently). "Dumty dumty—dum dum."
I. M. (interrupting). No, no; you've got it all wrong. See here, "Dumty dumty, dumty dum dum."
H. V. B. (in an ecstacy). "Dumpty dumpty, dumpty dum dum." Perfectly charming! It is really excellent!
I. M. (pleased, but suspicious). You really think it good?
H. V. B. Good! that isn't the word for it. Excellent! first rate! capital!
I. M. I am so glad you like it. I daresay you could write it out for me?
H. V. B. Oh, certainly. Beautiful! Only wants a little amplification to take the musical world by storm.
I. M. (much pleased). You really are exceedingly complimentary. You are indeed. I suppose it could be scored for an orchestra?
H. V. B. I should think so. I will turn it into a march for the Cavalry.
I. M. And for the Infantry, too? You see, there might be jealousy if you didn't.
H. V. B. Quite so. And there should be marches for the Artillery and Engineers. Then of course we should have a version to be played by the Navy, first in fine weather and then in a storm.
I. M. I think we ought to do as much. And of course the children should have a version suitable for their shrill voices. And it could be used as an opera, and played on the organ. All this, of course, you could manage?
H. V. B. Certainly, you may be sure it shall become universally popular. I will score it for every conceivable instrument, and every possible audience. It shall be played or sung in hospitals, railway stations, schools, and in fact everywhere!
I. M. It shall! But there must be one version teaching a man how to play the tune with a solitary finger.
H. V. B. May I venture to ask by whom that last version will be used?
I. M. Why, old Double Bass, can't you guess? Why, man alive, I shall play from it myself!
[Tableau and Curtain.