"MATRIMONIAL OBEDIENCE."
Sir,—I should never dream of humiliating myself to the extent of promising to obey any man. Yet I am a married woman—married, too, in a Church of England. How did I manage it, perhaps you will inquire? In this way, which I recommend for the adoption of all women who would decline to be worse than slaves. Instead of repeating the words "love, cherish, and obey" after the officiating clergyman, I altered them to "love cherries and whey," of which I happen to be very fond; so that whenever my husband (who is a poor creature) reproaches me with breaking my vow of obedience made at the altar—he does not often do this, as he is seldom at home—I can, with a clear conscience, affirm that I never took any vow at all. This astonishes him so much that it makes him swear, and then go out to his club. A good riddance too!
An Entirely New Woman.
Sir,—As a lawyer, I hold that the contract into which a woman enters at marriage to obey her husband, being one made "under duress," is entirely void. She is compelled to take the vow, otherwise she could not be married at all. But, in order to make her position still clearer, I should advise that, before repeating the words of the clergyman, she should say to him, "Am I to understand that unless I repeat this formula you will decline to marry me?" He may be a little surprised, but is sure to answer in the affirmative. Then she should reply, "Very well; then I repeat it under protest, and without prejudice," and the ceremony could thereafter go on as usual. There might also be inserted, after the announcement of the wedding in the papers, the words "No obedience," like "No cards," in which case no doubt whatever could be raised as to the wife's true legal position. I shall be happy to advise farther, if necessary, and meanwhile remain,
Yours toutingly,
Law Calf.
Sir,—What is this nonsense about women refusing to obey their husbands? The only way with wives is to be gentle with them, but at the same time perfectly firm. This is my plan, and it answers admirably. My wife the other day declined to surrender the morning paper to me, and told me she would like to be a "New Woman." "Very well," I answered; "then you won't object to my being a New Man too"; and I at once chained her securely to the strongest bed-post in the house, and forbade any food to be brought near her. After four hours of this discipline she came to such senses as Providence has blessed her with, and is now the very loving and obedient consort of
Yours domestically,
Master of his own House.
EARLY TACT.
Aunty Rose. "And how Old do you think I am, Tommy?"
Tommy. "Well—Sixty-three?"
Aunty Rose. "Oh, you Flatterer! Why, I'm past Eighty!"
Tommy. "Ah! I thought you were; but I thought you wouldn't like me to say so, you know."
Troubles in Madagascar.—Not by any means at an end. Most probably all "Hova" again.