LETTERS TO HAUPTMANN.
[Gerhart Hauptmann, the German dramatist and poet, has nominated Lord Curzon as Viceroy of England when it becomes a German province.]
If you'd trample on the Briton
And secure his just abasement,
Well, I think you might have written
First to me.
(Signed) Roger Casement.
If only as a recompense
For my expenditure of jaw
And anti-British "common-sense,"
Why not yours truly,
Bernard Shaw?
Would you avoid a bad rebellion?
The man for you is
Charles Trevelyan.
Since all the Dublin Corporation
Protest against my resignation,
My long experience vice-regal
Might mollify the German eagle
If he should nest on College Green.
Yours amicably,
Aberdeen.
Believe me, Curzon's haughty hand
Would lie too heavy on the land;
No, to appease the British Isles
Appoint yours truly,
William Byles.
I fear the freedom-loving British
Under Lord Curzon might grow skittish;
Far better knit the nations twain
Under a more pacific reign:
For instance, Brunner's; he's beyond
Reproach. Yours ever,
Alfred Mond.
Curzon, I own, is not a noodle,
But his demeanour is too feudal;
Try Alfred Mond: he is a stunner,
Affectionately yours,
John Brunner.
As I am still without a seat,
I'm not unwilling to compete
For any post in which there's scope
To preach humanitarian hope.
You might, of course, secure elsewhere
A smarter or a "faster" man,
But none in "uplift" could compare
With truly yours,
Charles Masterman.