CHARIVARIA.
"We can never talk of the theatre without harking back to the play itself," says "The Matinée Girl" in The Evening News. Funny how these irrelevant trifles will obtrude themselves into the most facile critic's train of thought.
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So simple and successful has been the progress of the Daylight-Saving Scheme, under which the clock is to be put forward an hour during the summer months, that a movement is on foot to help the War Office prophets by putting the War back a couple of years.
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It is not generally known that during the week ending May 7th a fourth Zeppelin was sunk by H.M.S. Feuilleton.
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A tremendous boom in canaries is reported from New York. The colour is believed to be a favourite one with the hyphenated.
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Breconshire County Council is proposing to abolish Sunday fishing. It is felt, however, that the demands of the Sabbath will be met if the fishermen can be prevented from describing their exploits till Monday morning.
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An evening contemporary has the following heading:—
"Hindenburg Seedy.
Petrograd tale of a gloomy 'Papa' and an angry Below."
Can the Prussian idol have contracted so vulgar an ailment as a pain in his underneath?
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Sabadilla, it appears, is a plant of the Lily family, from which is extracted a poison that forms the basis of the German "tear" shells. An allied form, "Crocodilla," also possessing lachrymatory properties, is likewise extensively used by the German Government.
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It is observed that the Committee to investigate the administration and command of the Royal Flying Corps is composed of four lawyers and two engineers. The large proportion of "doers" to "talkers"—nearly half the total—is a startling innovation in British public affairs and a satisfactory sign that the Government is thoroughly awake to the gravity of the situation.
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"Pawn-tickets are evidences of real poverty—when a man pawns his shirts and so on," said Judge Cluer recently at Whitechapel. "And so off" would have been a more logical way of putting it.
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A Camberwell recruit has taken a white mouse in his pocket as a mascot. It is to be hoped that he will not get into a tight corner and be compelled to hoist the white mouse in token of surrender.
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A sackful of comatose flies has been taken from the Coronation clock tower at Surbiton. The authorities are said to be contemplating the removal of a similar deposit from underneath Big Ben.
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A German scientist has expressed the opinion that the product obtained by mixing chaff or finely-chopped straw with pig's blood scarcely deserves to be called bread. It is, however, expected that the German trader, ever resourceful, will get over this little difficulty by calling it cake and charging a little more for it.
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A Dublin office boy, returning to his employment after a fortnight's absence, informed his employer that he had been fighting and a prisoner; whereas, of course, in similar circumstances an English lad would have contented himself with explaining that he had merely been taking the letters to the post.
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The sports programme to be contested at Blackheath on May 20th will include various events open to attested men. We wish the management could have seen their way to include a Consolation Sack Race (with water hazards) for Conscientious Objectors.