Bacchus at the Front.
Extract from a speech by the KAISER as reported by The Sun (Vancouver, B.C.):—
"The campaign ... had been conducted according to the brilliant plans of Field-Marshal von Hindenburg.... The old god of bottles directed. We were his instruments and we are proud of it."
"Among some of the best-informed bankers in the City the view taken in this respect is one which it may be well for the public at large to have repeated for their own guidance. The new War Loan, they say, will either be the last before the Allies impose on the enemy their own terms of peace, or it will not."—The Times.
We had already formed the same opinion, but we are glad to have it confirmed on such high authority.
"Barrow magistrates decided that Ideas must not be sold after the closing hour."—Daily Sketch.
Unfortunately this will not prevent the bore from continuing to give you his gratis.
Demand—
"Elderly English Girl wanted as companion to young lady for afternoon."—Egyptian Gazette.
and supply—
"The age limit for Girl Guides was formerly 18 years, but it has now been raised to 81 years by general request."—British Paper.
Tommy. "SOMETHIN' TO DHRINK, IF YE PLAZE, MISS."
Helper. "CERTAINLY. WILL YOU HAVE TEA OR COFFEE?"
Tommy. "NEITHER, THANK-YE." Helper. "COCOA, THEN, OR BOVRIL?"
Tommy. "NO, NO. NONE OF THEM FOR ME, MISS."
Helper (with asperity). "WELL, WE'VE NOTHING ELSE EXCEPT WATER."
Tommy (earnestly). "AN' I DAREN'T TOUCH THAT. D'YE SEE, MISS, WHEN ME FATHER LAY DYIN'—GOD REST HIS SOWL!—HE SEZ TO ME, 'I'VE GIVEN YE AN IRON CONSTITUTION, ANNYWAY, AN' LET YE SEE TO IT THAT YE NIVER TAKE ANNYTHING THAT 'UD RUST IT ON YE.'"