ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday, June 18th.—Arising out of the dethronement of Tino a cloud-burst of questions descended upon Lord Robert Cecil, who took refuge under a wide-spreading umbrella of official ignorance. Mr. Lynch was annoyed because his question whether the Allies would oppose the foundation of a Greek Republic was dismissed as "hypothetical," but Lord Robert assured him that there was "nothing abusive" in the epithet. But is that so? Suppose he were to describe Mr. Lynch as a "hypothetical statesman"?
A detailed history of a Canterbury lamb, from its purchase in New Zealand at 6⅜d. a pound to its sale to the British butcher at 10½d., was given by Mr. George Roberts. He threw no light, however, on the problem why it should double in price before reaching the consumer. This is engaging the anxious consideration of Lord Rhondda, who declares that there is no adequate economic reason why Little Mary should have only a little lamb.
In the House of Commons as in a music-hall you can always get a laugh by referring to "the lodger." Whether the lodger, who is considered quite good enough to vote for a mere Member of Parliament, should also be allowed a voice in the election of really important people like town councillors was the theme of animated discussion. It ended ultimately in the lodger's favour, with the proviso that the apartments he occupies should be unfurnished. On such niceties does the British Constitution depend.
Tuesday, June 19th.—Mr. Balfour received a warm welcome from all sections of the House on making his first appearance after his return from America. Even the ranks of Tuscany, on the Irish benches, could not forbear to cheer their old opponent. Besides securing American gold for his country, he has transferred some American bronze to his own complexion, and has, if anything, sharpened his faculty for skilful evasion and polite repartee by his encounters with Transatlantic journalists.
In the course of the daily catechism on the subject of air-raids Mr. MacMaster inquired, "Why is it that Paris appears to be practically immune, while London is not?" The answer came, not from the Front Bench, but from the Chair, and was delivered in a tone so low that even the Official Reporter failed to catch it. That is a pity, because it furnishes a useful hint for Ministers. In future, when posed with futile or embarrassing questions about the War, let them follow the Speaker's example, and simply say, "You must ask the Kaiser!"
THE BETTER PART OF VALOUR.
Sir Frederick Smith. "What's the good of struggling?"
Literary Dame (at bookstall). "Have you any books by that rising young novelist, Lord Hugh Cecil?".
In a perfectly free division, in which Ministers and ex-Ministers were mixed up together in both Lobbies, woman's right to be registered as a Parliamentary elector was affirmed by 385 votes to 55. Some capital speeches were made on both sides, but if any of them turned a vote it was probably the cynical admission of the Attorney-General that he was as much opposed to female suffrage as ever, but meant to vote for it because it was bound to come. This probably had an even greater effect upon the average Member, who is not an idealist, than the nutshell novelette in which Lord Hugh Cecil lightly outlined the possible future of the female politician.
Wednesday, June 20th.—Military metaphors come naturally to the Duke of Marlborough. Yet I cannot think he was happily inspired when, in reminding the farmers of their duty to put more land under the plough, he compared the compulsory powers of the Board of Agriculture to a sword in its scabbard, and hoped there would be no necessity to rattle it. Everybody knows that the sword in question is a converted ploughshare, and that it rests with the War Office to turn it back again.
Last night fifty-five Members resisted Votes for Women. By this afternoon twenty-five of them had so far changed their minds as to protest against the limitation of the privilege to women over thirty. Major Rowland Hunt, convinced that women would soon vote themselves into the House, expressed a naïve preference for "young 'uns."
Thursday, June 21st.—During Sir Edward Grey's long tenure of the Foreign Secretaryship he rarely visited the House of Commons more than twice a week. Until his voyage to the United States, Mr. Balfour was even less attentive to his Parliamentary duties and left most of the "donkey-work"—if one may so describe the business of answering the questions of curious Members—to Lord Robert Cecil. Since his return Mr. Balfour has developed a new zest for this pastime, and to-day for the third time in succession appeared in his place. Everybody is pleased to see him there, except perhaps the curious Members aforesaid, who find him even more chary of information than his deputy. Had not the President of the United States said something about Alsace-Lorraine? ventured Corporal Lees-Smith. Mr. Balfour, fresh from the White House, blandly replied, "I do not propose to discuss President Wilson's Notes."
The notion, prevalent at the beginning of the War, that every German waiter was an emissary of the Kaiser, only awaiting "The Day" when he should return to take a full revenge for meagre gratuities, still subsists in certain minds. Mr. Brookes was manifestly disappointed when Dr. MacNamara assured him that the aeronaut captured in the recent raid was not, as he supposed, one of these returned Ganymedes, but was making his first appearance on English soil.
"A small fire at a variety theatre burnt some dresses all up, but the revue went on as usual."—Berrow's Worcester Journal.
No need to worry over little things like that.
Long-suffering Sergeant. "We got another arf-hour to go yet. I don't know what to do with yer."
Rookie (suggestively). "There's some trees over there, Sergeant."
Sergeant. "Yes, I know. But there ain't any ropes."