The Buffer's Vindication.
I haven't fought, I haven't dug, I've worn no special caps,
Too little has my country, sure, had from me;
But I've never talked of "strafe-ing" anyone for any lapse,
And I've never called a fighting man a "Tommy."
Old Soldier (trying to "swing the lead"). "Well, Sir, I can't neither eat, sleep nor drink, Sir."
M.O. (in a spasm of enthusiasm). "My good man! The Army wants a battalion like you!"