SEED POTATOES FOR PATRIOTS.
(Garnered from the catalogue of the George Washington Seed Company.)
"Adonis."—Strikingly handsome oval tuber of the fashionable nigger-brown shade. Never had a day's illness. Every "Adonis" potato is inoculated for wireworm before leaving our grounds.
"Automatic."—Remarkable novelty; digs itself in, and jumps out of the ground when ready. Self-peeling; skin comes off in the saucepan. Immense boon to busy housewives.
"Little Gem."—For window-boxes. Flowers closely resemble Odontoglossum. Much in demand for Mayfair mansions. Dainty electro-plated trowel given away with every order for a hundred-weight.
The "Beanato."—Sensational discovery; the result of a cross between an Early Rose potato and a scarlet-runner. Will take the place of ramblers on pergolas. Blooms brilliantly all the summer; festoons of khaki fruit with green facings in the autumn. Retains the lusciousness of the bean with the full floury flavour of the tuber.
"Argus."—The potato with a hundred eyes. Never sprouts in less than ninety-eight places. Should be put through the mincing-machine before planting.
"LOOK HERE, MISS! YOU'VE TAKEN A BIT OUT OF MY EAR!"
"SORRY, SIR; BUT, YOU SEE, I'VE BEEN ON THE DISTRICT RAILWAY FOR THE LAST THREE MONTHS PUNCHING TICKETS."
War-Work.
"LADY.—Will any lady exercise a terrier (good-tempered), daily, for a small remuneration?"—Bournmouth Daily Echo.
Kilties Dumbfounded.
Extract from Brigade Orders (Highland Brigade):—
"Socks must be changed and feet greased at least every 24 hours. Socks can be dried by being placed in trouser pockets."