CHARIVARIA.
A "Company for Oversea Enterprises" has been formed in Hamburg. It has no connection with the German High Sea Fleet.
A guinea a dozen is being offered for rabbits in the Isle of Wight. Most of them, however, are holding back for a War bonus.
A Newcastle man who has been missing for eleven months has just turned up at his home. He excused himself on the grounds that the tea queue was rather a long one.
There are reports current of an impending strike of brewery workers in the North. Several employees have threatened to "Down Beer."
Confirmation is still awaited of the rumour that several food ships have recently torpedoed themselves rather than fall into the hands of the profiteers.
The statement that Viscount NORTHCLIFFE has refused the post of Minister of Health is without foundation. It is no secret, however, that he would decline the position even if he should offer it to himself.
Double-headed matches are impracticable, according to the Tobacco and Matches Control Board. The sorts with detachable heads, however, will continue to be manufactured.
A Norfolk fisherman with twenty-six children has been fined five shillings for neglecting seven of them. His offence is thought to have been due to oversight.
According to the Lord Mayor of DUBLIN there is plenty of food in Ireland. In the best Sinn Fein circles it is thought that this condition of things points to an attempt on the part of the Government to bring discredit on the sacrificial devotion of the Separatists.
So realistic has the stage become of late that in The Boy at the Adelphi, Mr. W.H. BERRY (we give the rumour for what it is worth) sits down to a meal of wood cutlets.
In order that no confusion may be caused among guests the Government has been requested to have a "take over" whistle blown in the corridors before they commandeer the next hotel.
It seems that TROTZKY is to have no nonsense. He has even threatened to make lynching illegal.
The Neue Freie Presse describes LENIN as the revolutionary with kings at his feet. He also seems to have several knaves up his sleeve.
A Brixton lady has left the sum of four hundred pounds to her dog. It would be interesting to hear the family solicitor asking him whether he would take it in War Bonds or bones.
The Timber Commission reports a grave shortage of birch, and a number of earnest ushers are asking, "What is the use of the censorship?"
It is now declared that the high explosive found on Countess MARKIEVICZ'S "green scouts" was not intended for destructive purposes. Mr. DE VALERA, M.P., was merely going to eat it.
Many grocers and publicans, it is stated, have already been combed out of the Welsh coal mines. Efforts to comb the others out of their gold mines are meeting with only indifferent success.
British grit will win, declares Sir WILLIAM ROBERTSON. If some of our elderly statesmen will refrain from dropping theirs into the machinery.
The London Fire Brigade has been given permission to form a band. The lack of some method of keeping the crowd amused at the more protracted fires has often proved an embarrassment to the force.
The big elephant at the Zoo has been destroyed, says a news item. A maximum price for potted game is already being considered by the Food Ministry.
Charged with selling bacon that was bad, a firm of grocers pleaded that the stuff had been released by the Government. At first sight it looked as if it had merely escaped from custody.
The man who was last week charged at a London police court with posing as a Government official has been put back for the state of his mind to be inquired into.
"The late Mr. Merryweather, who was in his 78th year, was responsible for great developments in fire-lighting appliances."—Scotsman.
A good scheme—light it first and fight it afterwards.
"Supposing a wolf were to attack you and your family, what would you do?—Mr. Hedderwick.
"I would point out that season tickets are issued by railway companies only as an act of grace.—Sir William Forbes."—The Star.
Our contemporary heads this "Words Winged To-day."
From "A Word to the Churches," by Miss MARIE CORELLI:—
"'A word' of solemn warning was uttered by the Angel of the Seven Spirits to the Church in Sardis....
"And this 'word' was fulfilled to the letter, for, as Herodotus tells us, 'Sardis was taken and utterly sacked.'"—Daily Graphic.
We fancy the passage must occur in Book X., in which we also find the famous account of the capture of Timbuctoo by the Roman Emperor Montezuma in the fourth Punic War—or was it the fifth Crusade?