WAR ECONOMY.
Aunt Liz. "WHERE YER GOIN', TINY?" Tiny. "PICTURES."
Aunt Liz. "GOT YER MONEY?" Tiny. "NO."
Aunt Liz. "WHAT YER GOIN' TO DO, THEN?" Tiny. "SHOVE IN."
Aunt Liz. "ALL RIGHT. MIND YER DON'T GET RUNNED OVER."
"Hot pennies and halfpennies were thrown from the windows at a West Hartlepool wedding party. One fell down the back of a schoolboy, burning him, and has been awarded £5 damages."—Eastern Dally Press.
And did the poor boy get nothing?
"The Lower House of the Convocation of Canterbury has a very full agenda. Reports of the respective Joint Committees on the Royal Letters of Business, Purity of Life and the Revision of the Dictionary ... will be taken into consideration; and, afterwards, several motions on a variety of topics will be brought forward. One of these begs the War Office to provide some means of protecting, when necessary, ladies of education working in munition factories 'from the profane language and swearing of the officials under whom they work.'"—Church Courier.
The dictionary certainly needs revising if this sort of language appears in it.
"After doing a few rounds of the field a wha he 'naives' call a errific speed, he calf leaped a high wall inoa nohehr field, and, followed by a number of men, made sraigh for he cliffs. Fearing nohing, he animal jumped from the cliff."—Daily Dispatch.
It is conjectured that the unfortunate animal was missing its "t."
"Wanted Plain Dressmaker, who goes out daily, for altering and re-making."—Irish Paper.
After a few days of this process she may hope to be a plain dressmaker no longer.
Mistress (to under-gardener, who has been up to be examined for the Army). "I SUPPOSE, JOHN, YOU TOLD THEM YOU WOULD NOT BE EIGHTEEN UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH?"
John. "NO USE, MUM. YOU ONLY GETS CHEEK UP THERE IF YOU SAYS ANYTHING."