HEART-TO-HEART TALKS.
(The GERMAN KAISER, the Tsar of BULGARIA, and the Sultan of TURKEY.)
The Tsar. You must admit that Sofia is a most agreeable place. Where else could you find such genuine and overwhelming enthusiasm for the War and our alliance?
The Kaiser. I don't know. It didn't seem to me exactly violent; but then, of course, you know your people better than I do, and it may be—
The Sultan. Umph.
The Tsar. I know just what you are going to say, MEHMED. You feel, as we do, that the voice of the People is the true guide for a ruler. You feel that too, don't you, WILHELM?
The Kaiser. I have never hesitated to say so. It is on such sentiments that the greatness of our Imperial House is based.
The Sultan. Umph.
The Tsar. There—I knew you would agree with us. You heard, WILHELM? MEHMED agrees with us.
The Kaiser. That is, of course, immensely gratifying.
The Tsar. We will at once publish an announcement in all our newspapers. It will declare that the three Sovereigns, after a perfectly frank interchange of views, found no subject on which there was even the shadow of a disagreement between them, and are resolved in the closest alliance to continue the War against the aggressive designs of the Entente Powers until a satisfactory peace is secured. How does that suit you, WILHELM?
The Kaiser. Very well. Only you must put in that bit about my being actuated by the highest and most disinterested motives.
The Tsar. That applies to all of us.
The Sultan. Umph.
The Tsar. Again he agrees. Isn't it wonderful? I've never met a more accommodating ally. It's a real pleasure to work with him. Now then, we're all quite sure, aren't we, that we really want to go on with the War, and that we utterly reject all peace-talk?
The Kaiser. Utterly—but if they come and sue to us for peace we might graciously consider their offer.
The Tsar. That means nothing, of course, so there's no harm in putting it in. At any rate it will please the POPE. We're quite sure, then, that we want to go on with the War? Of course I'm heart and soul for going on with it to the last gasp, but I cannot help pointing out that at present Bulgaria has got all she wants, and my people are very fond of peace.
The Sultan. Umph.
The Tsar. He knows that is so. He's very fond of peace himself. You see he hasn't had much luck in the War, have you, MEHMED?
The Sultan. The English—
The Tsar. Quite true; the English are an accursed race.
The Sultan. The English have a lot of—
The Kaiser. A lot of vices? I should think they have.
The Sultan (persisting). The English have a lot of men and guns.
The Tsar. Well done, old friend; you've got it off your chest at last. I hope you're happy now. But, as to this peace of ours, can't something be done? I always say it's a great thing to know when to stop. So it might be as well to talk about peace, even if your talk means nothing. In any case, I tell you frankly, I want peace.
The Kaiser. FERDINAND!
The Tsar. Oh, it's no use to glare at me like that. If it comes to glaring I can do a bit in that line myself.
The Sultan. The Americans—
| The Kaiser The Tsar | } | (together). Oh, curse the Americans! |
