THE TEST OF TYPE.
(Suggested by these adjacent paragraphs in a daily paper.)
"Maj. ——. For conspicuous gallantry and resource. He rallied his men when the left flank was seriously threatened, and by his energy and fine example saved the situation. He subsequently commanded his battalion with great ability. He has displayed marked gallantry in every action in which he has taken part."
"A London angler, Mr. ——, has caught a roach of 2 lb. 1 oz. in the Lark at Barton Mills, the largest fish of its kind landed from this Suffolk stream for some years."
Though in these times monopolized by Mars
There's not a day that passes but one reads—
Sandwiched between unprofitable "pars"
And other wholly negligible screeds—
Of decorations, crosses, medals, bars,
Bestowed for valiant and heroic deeds;
Over these records we must often pass
Unless we've got a magnifying-glass!
But if some member of a fishing club
In London or the provinces, renowned
For prowess with the lob-worm or the grub,
Should land a roach of more than half a pound,
Then in the leading papers of the hub
Full space for that achievement will be found,
And clearest type and unaffected rapture
Will signalize the epoch-making capture!
The moral of the episode is plain:
If soldiers wish to petrify the nation,
Let them—when leave permits—no more disdain
To join a Roach or Perch Association,
Cull giant gooseberries, and strive to gain
Prizes for Blind-fold Pig Delineation.
Thus only—not by cross or golden stripe—
Will they achieve the honour of big type.
