BOY (SECOND CLASS).
BOY (Second Class) John Simpkins, a bad 'un, you must know,
Was told to swab a plank one day by a First-Class C.P.O.,
Whose eagle eye, returning, on the deck espied a stain—
"Boy Simpkins, fetch your mop, me lad, and swab yon plank again."
Boy Simpkins (Second Class, too!) made as though he wouldn't go,
And distinctly muttered "Blast you!" to that First-Class C.P.O.
The splendid Petty Officer fell flat upon the deck;
They bore him to the Sick Bay just a weak and worthless wreck;
But an A.B. who was standing by had caught the wicked word
And told the Duty Officer exactly what occurred:—
"Boy Simpkins (Second Class, too!), which I think yer oughter know, Sir,
'Ad the lip ter mutter 'Blast you!' ter the Fust-Class C.P.O., Sir."
There is silence in the foc's'le, on the quarter-deck dismay,
And the lower deck is humming in a most unusual way;
The working-party pauses as it cleans a six-inch gun,
And the Officer on Duty whispers hoarse to "Number One":—
"Boy Simpkins (Second Class, too!), I suppose you ought to know, Sir,
Had the cheek to mutter 'Blast you!' to a First-Class C.P.O., Sir."
Number One, his face is ashen and his knees knock as he runs
(A curious phenomenon quite rare in Number Ones);
But on he rushed until he saw the tall brass-hatted Bloke,
And, nervously saluting, incoherently he spoke:—
"Boy Simpkins (Second Class, too!), I'm afraid that you must know, Sir,
Had the nerve to mutter 'Blast you!' to a First-Class C.P.O., Sir."
The Bloke turned blue and shivered, then hysterically laughed,
And hurried, cackling shrilly, to the Owner's cabin aft;
There in that awful presence, with lips aghast and pale,
To the horror-haunted Owner he re-told the horrid tale:—
"Boy Simpkins (Second Class, too!), I regret to let you know, Sir,
Had the face to mutter 'Blast you!' to a First-Class C.P.O., Sir!"
You could almost hear the silence when the flags began to flap
And the Captain made the signal that destroyed the Admiral's nap;
And though I wasn't there myself beside the great man's bed
You all can guess as well as I just what the Owner said:—"SUBMITTED.
Boy Simpkins (Second Class, too!), it is thought you ought to know, Sir,
Has dared to mutter 'Blast you!' to a First-Class C.P.O., Sir!"
The Press Bureau won't let me mention how the Admiral went
And told Sir ERIC GEDDES, who informed the Government;
How the Cabinet, when summoned, found him far too bad to kill,
So packed him off to Weiringen to valet LITTLE WILL.
Boy Simpkins (Second Class, too!) down to history will go
As the first and last who dared say "Blast" to a First-Class C.P.O.