THE NECROMANCERS.
The other day, while I was out for a ride, I happened to run up against my two Chinese acquaintances, Ah Sin and Dam Li, and I stopped to have a chat with them. After the usual greetings Dam Li remarked:—
"Hon'lable officer lookee too muchee sad."
"Allee same like littlee dog when 'nother big dog stealum bone," supplemented Ah Sin.
"I wasn't aware of it," I said shortly, a little hurt at the comparison.
"P'haps hon'lable officer losee lations allee same little dog," suggested Dam Li.
"Well," I admitted, "I have lost something—at least the Mess has. Only it isn't rations; it's a milk-jug."
This, our only article of plate, was a battered piece of treasure-trove salved from the ruins of a derelict village.
Dam Li was all sympathy.
"You talkee China boy. Him findum one time plenty quick," he announced confidently.
"All right," I said; "only you won't get anything just for trying, mind. You'll have to succeed."
"China boy no wantchee nothing," replied Dam Li reproachfully.
"Him only wantchee officer smile allee same like dog waggee tail when lations come back," added Ah Sin by way of embroidery.
"Thank you," I said gravely. "And when do you propose to start replacing my smile?"
Apparently there was no time like the present, so back we went to the Mess and they set to work. Their opening move was somewhat startling, even to me who knew them of old.
"Giveum China boy one piecee blead," commanded Dam Li.
"What for?" I demurred.
"China Boy eatum blead and talkee plenty good player [prayer]," said Ah Sin. "Then thief-man too muchee flighten' an' giveum back jug plenty dam quick."
"But why should he be afraid?" I asked.
Ah Sin was very patient with me.
"Players plenty stlong language talkee," he said. "S'pose thief-man not giveum back jug, belly get plenty too muchee fat ..."
"An' go bang allee same air-dlagon bomb," broke in Dam Li, rubbing his hands together at the prospect.
"Very well, you may have your loaf," said I, capitulating; and then rashly I added, "Is there anything else you'd like?"
"Beer makee players plenty much worser for thief-man," said Ah Sin ingratiatingly.
In the end I produced the beer as well as the bread and the incantations commenced. They consisted in getting outside my bread and beer, and in filling the intervals between mouthfuls with a copious barrage of Chinese, occasional prostrations and a considerable amount of laughter. This last aroused my suspicions and I asked what it meant.
"Thief-man keepee plenty big pain here," explained Dam Li, indicating the region to which the bread and beer had by now all descended. "Him topside mad this minute."
"Giveum back jug to-mollow," prophesied Ah Sin. "China boy come an' see," he added as he got up to go.
The morrow arrived and so did the Chinamen, but not the milk-jug. This seemed to cause Ah Sin and Dam Li the greatest surprise.
"Thief-man No. 1 stlong man," asserted the former.
"Wantchee extla double-lation players," agreed his companion.
"Hon'lable officer giveum China boy 'nother piece blead," suggested Ah Sin.
"An' baer," added Dam Li hastily.
Nosing an obvious conspiracy I at first refused. However I at length gave way on the understanding that there was on no account to be a third imposition. The rites of the day before were thereupon repeated.
When they were over Dam Li suddenly professed himself to be inspired.
"China boy seeum jug," he announced.
"Where?" I asked.
"Seeum box, plenty too muchee big," Dam Li went on in sepulchral tones; "jug inside box."
Ah Sin now joined in.
"Where isum box?" he asked excitedly.
"No savvy," replied Dam Li, shaking his head.
Ah Sin gazed wildly around. Seeing a box in the distance he rushed at it. Dam Li waved him back.
"That box no dam use," he stated.
Ah Sin tried again.
"P'haps him in dirty box," he suggested.
Dam Li rolled his eyes inwards, as one who consulted an oracle within.
"Jug inside dirty box," he agreed ultimately, pointing in its direction.
"Oh, in the dust-bin," I said. "Well, there's no harm in looking."
So look we did, and there, sure enough, it was. I picked it out and did some quick thinking.
"Now, when did you two ruffians put it there?" I asked sternly.
"Thief-man put it there," protested Dam Li, with a magnificent look of injured innocence.
"I know," said I. "Come on, now, tell me why you stole it, and, as you've brought it back again, I may let you off."
"China boy's lations too muchee few, him plenty hungly," said Ah Sin, seeing that the game was up.
"S'pose him sellum jug, buy plenty beer," confided Dam Li unblushingly.
"But hon'lable officer lookee too muchee sad, so China boy dam solly. Fetchee back jug," resumed Ah Sin.
As I had often gone out of my way to do the pair a good turn I was naturally pained at their ingratitude. Taking the jug, I turned away in silence and left them. Ah Sin pursued me.
"Hon'lable officer likee jug?" he asked.
Dam Li, who had followed, answered for me.
"Likee jug allee same China boy likee lations," he explained.
"An' China boy gottee lations, blead an' beer, allee same hon'lable officer gottee jug," continued Ah Sin.
"Then what more can wantchee?" concluded Dam Li triumphantly.
I surrendered unconditionally.