REPORTS.
The other day I was looking through some school reports. Holidays always bring them forth. You know the kind of thing: History—Is most diligent but needs concentration; Music—Lacks purposefulness, does not practise sufficiently; Mathematics—Weak; General Conduct—Might be better; Conversational French—Sera plus facile avec plus de confiance; Theology—A sad falling off; and so on; and it occurred to me that it might not be a bad thing if the report system, instead of stopping with our school-days, pursued us through life. The periodical perusal of a report, drawn up with as much authority as a scholastic staff possesses, might have very beneficial results.
My own early ones no longer exist; but it would be a very searching test of our educational system to study these reports thirty-five years after and subject them to an honest commentary. How little that one learned then has persisted, has survived the probation of time and necessity. At the age of fifteen I knew the principal rivers of South America ("Geography—Has made great progress"); to-day at fifty I have no recollection of any, nor any desire to have it. Instead I can order dinner. Gastronomy for geography; new lamps for old! In any report drawn up now there would be a totally different series of subjects. Thus:—
Business Method Might be better.
Punctuality Tries his best.
Patriotism Good.
Veracity Moderate.
Financial Soundness Very variable.
As a means of constructive criticism the report system might be useful in Parliament. The Speaker, as headmaster, should be entrusted with the task of preparing the documents. I can see some such results as the following:—
THE PRIME MINISTER.
Logic Weak.
Opportunism Strong.
Golf Shows little improvement.
Belligerence Very good.
Tonsorial Artistry Far from satisfactory. Should give it
more attention.
Oratory Fluent and powerful, but must guard
against impulse. Too fond in perorations
of drawing metaphors from Welsh
physical geography.
MR. BONAR LAW.
Mediation Admirable, but must not be overworked.
Oratory Fair. Has tendency to unnecessary candour.
Does not sufficiently employ periphrasis.
Fidelity Beyond praise.
MR. WINSTON CHURCHILL.
Oratory Effective, if given enough time to prepare.
Modesty Room for improvement.
Polarity Weak.
Ambition An honest worker.
Lastly, let us take the report sheet of one not wholly absent from the public eye, whom I will designate merely by the initials W.W.
Pride Far less than he had two or three years ago.
Facial beauty More than adequate.
Subrisivity Phenomenal.
Oratory Admirable, but too fond of telling the
same story.
Popularity Could not be greater.