AN EXPENSIVE AMUSEMENT.

"As," says one of Mr. Punch's many and very welcome correspondents, "you will probably be writing for the benefit of your readers a short handbook on how to be demobilised, I enclose for your guidance my solicitor's bill. He was engaged from November 12th until I returned home on leave on December 30th and took a hand in the game myself. The chief work was tracing the various Government Departments to their hidden lairs in which they indulge in the pleasing habit of exchanging minutes.

"Some day perhaps demobilisation will reach me. The sooner the better, for I can never settle this account on my Army pay."

So much for the preamble. Here, with the alteration only of certain names, is the document itself. Mr. Jones, it should be mentioned, is a member of the firm to which the Officer in question (whom we will call Mr. Lute) wishes to return:—

1918.		£	s.	d.
Nov. 12.	Attending Mr. Jones on calling on the telephone as to Mr. Lute and advising him to make an application		6	8
" 27.	Attending Demobilisation Office, Whitehall Gardens, when the place was too crowded to be seen to-day. Engaged nearly two hours.		13	4
	Writing Mr. Lute I was putting through application.		3	6
" 28.	Attending New Bridge Street when I interviewed Official and he handed me pivotal form after explaining circumstances		18	4
" 29.	Attending Mr. Jones on calling when Mrs. Lute was present, filling in form after discussing same. Engaged 3 to 3.50.		10	0
	Copy to keep		1	0
" 30.	Attending New Bridge Street, interviewing Official, and he referred Mr. Lute's case to Mr. Bedford Smith, 105a, Portman Square, Head Food Department for your district		13	4
Dec. 2.	Attending Portman Square, interviewing Official, when he said I had got the wrong form and requested me to go to Whitehall Gardens and ask them about it.
	Attending Demobilisation Office at Whitehall Gardens, interviewing Official when he wanted to know how I had got the form as I had no business to have it as the issue of them had been stopped, and I said it had been given to me, and he was unable to say what should be done with it, but in any event another form ought to be filled up, R.C.V., and he handed me such form. Engaged 10.30 to 1; 2 to 3.45	3	3	0
Dec. 3.	Attending Portman Square office, when I said that I had been to the office at Whitehall Gardens and they wanted to know how I had got the pivotal form, but he took it in and said he would refer it to the local committee at once, and he gave me the name of the head man there and suggested we might push it if we went to him, and he had nothing to do with the R.C.V. form.		13	4
	Attending Whitehall Gardens asking what they wanted done with R.C.V. form and they said if it was sent in there filled up it would receive attention in its turn.		10	0
	Writing Mr. Jones to get in touch with Local Authority.		3	6
" 5.	Attending Mr. Jones on telephone as to getting into touch with local representative, which he would do at once		3	4
" 6.	Filling up same and writing them therewith		5	0
" 11.	Attending Mr. Jones on telephone when he said Committee had recommended application last Friday evening		3	4
" 12.	Attending Portman Square, interviewing Official and they had not received recommendation of local committee		13	4
" 13.	Attending Mr. Jones, informing him thereof on telephone giving me reference No. and he would send on copy letter to him by local committee recommending application		3	4
" 16.	Attending Portman Square when they had not heard from local committee, handing them copy of their letter and they would act on that		13	4
" 18.	Writing Mr. Jones as to further form, sent in to him to sign		3	6
" 19.	Attending Portman Square when application had gone forward		13	4
	Telephoning to Mrs. Lute to that effect. Like Mr. Jones.		3	4
" 20.	Writing Mr. Lute as to the matter		3	6
" 23.	Attending Portman Square Official when application was on way to War Office and they said you would be demobilised shortly		13	4
" 31.	Attending Mr. Lute, showing me correspondence and requesting me to see Demobilisation Department, Broad Street.
1919
Jan. 2.	Attending Broad Street when they had removed to Hotel Windsor and obtaining two forms to fill up to extend your leave while your case went through if necessary and they knew nothing about your case		13	4
	Attending at your office getting Secretary to sign form.		10	0
" 4.	Attending Windsor Hotel when department disbanded and had gone to Lancaster Gate		13	4
	Attending you reporting on telephone		3	4
" 6.	Fare and expenses		15	0
		——	—	—
	Total	£14	5	0