THE PUFF UNIVERSAL.
["A Father," writing in The Times of June 10th, protests vigorously against the cult of "powdered noses.">[
When the deadly sky-rover
Came frequently over
And London was darkened at night,
Girls powdered their noses
(Or so one supposes)
As lamp-posts were painted with white;
But now when full moons
Bring no bombs or maroons,
I ask is it proper or right?
Amanda's complexion
Will challenge inspection—
'Tis healthy and rosy and fine;
But she says that if powder
Were never allowed her
Her nose would infallibly shine.
Did Victorian Flossie
Or Gladys, when glossy
Of nose, to such methods incline?
No, they patiently scrubbed it,
Rough-towelled and rubbed it
Until it was brought into line.
We have long been acquainted
With ladies who painted
To mimic a juvenile mien;
But I'd ban sans compassion
The powdering fashion
When practised by sweet seventeen;
And I wish that wise mothers
And sensible brothers
Would let their abhorrence be seen.
I'm only "a father,"
Old-fashioned and rather
Deficient in stiffness of spine,
So, feeling unequal
To facing the sequel,
My name I'm unwilling to sign;
For the call for more powder
Grows stronger and louder
From every daughter of mine,
And any restriction
Of puffs or nose-friction
Would end in a general "shine."
Vicar. "I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS IN GAOL AGAIN, MRS. STIBBS. STEALING A WATCH, EH?"
Mrs. Stibbs. "YES, SIR. BUT 'TAIN'T 'IS FAULT THIS TIME. THE MAGISTRATE SAID 'ISSELF THAT JOE DIDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'MEUM AND TOOUM,' AN' IN 'IS IGNORANCE 'E'D DONE A BIT O' 'TOOUMING.'"