ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday, February 23rd.—The Highland Fling involves, I understand, some complicated figures, but it is nothing to the Lowland Reel (Coats' variety), on which subject Sir Auckland Geddes was rather badly heckled this afternoon. A suggestion that Messrs. Coats might use the profits of their foreign trade to reduce the price to the home consumer drove the harassed Minister into an unconscious mot. "Suppose," he said, "they cut the thread ... where should we be then?"
(Mr. Churchill and Captain Wedgwood Benn.)
"The tank, weighing thirty tons, is able to pass over a brick lying on the road without crushing it. This is a very important point."—Mr. Churchill.
Mr. Charles Palmer, the well-known Globe-trotter, has just completed a remarkable journey. Within the space of a few weeks he has traversed the distance from the Press Gallery to the Floor of the Chamber, going round by the Wrekin. During the last stage of the route the intrepid traveller was accompanied by Sir Henry Dalziel and Mr. Bottomley.
In introducing a Vote on Account of the Army for a trifle of seventy-four millions the War Minister proudly announced that Britain and Germany were the only countries in the world that had abolished conscription—and Germany's action was not exactly voluntary.
Mr. Churchill's description of a new tank, so fast that it could outstrip a foxhound "over a country," so cool that even in the tropics its crew would preserve their sangfroid traditionnel, and so delicately sprung that it could run over a brick without hurting itself—or the brick—momentarily encouraged the belief that here was the weapon to make war impossible. But almost in the same breath Mr. Churchill stated that simultaneously the War Office had invented a rifle grenade which would put the super-tank out of action. "As you were!"
Criticism was not entirely disarmed. Mr. Devlin of course talked of Ireland—"the only country with which the Empire is at war to-day;" and little Capt. Wedgwood Benn rebuked Mr. Churchill for his unfilial sneer at "pious America," and was himself advised "not to develop more indignation than he could contain."
Tuesday, February 24th.—In both Houses the new policy of the Allies in regard to Soviet Russia was unfolded. The gist of it is that they will not enter into diplomatic relations with the Bolshevist Government until it is ready to adopt civilised methods, but in the meantime will heartily encourage trade with Russia. It would seem that the practical genius of our race has once more discovered a means of indulging sentiment without interfering with business.
A forecast.
Lord Haldane.
Lord Birkenhead (not Brokenhead, by the way, as the Cork Constitution, inadvertently or not, calls him) chaffed Lord Haldane on his "How Happy could I be with Either" attitude between Liberalism and Labour, and advised him definitely to be off with the old love and on with the new, in order that when Labour came into its own the Woolsack might be adequately filled.
Sir Alfred Mond did not allow himself to be perturbed by the description of certain pictures in the Imperial War Museum as "freaks" and "libels," for he had observed "with some astonishment" that most of the art critics had pronounced them to be very fine works of art. But when Mr. Jeremiah MacVeagh asked if some of these pictures were not portraits of Cabinet Ministers, "and if so how can they possibly be works of art?" the First Commissioner's artistic conscience was stirred, and compelled him to give the questioner a little instruction in first principles. "Whether a portrait is a work of art depends," he pointed out, "on the artist and not on the subject painted."
The evening was devoted to drink. Sir John Rees, who urged the abolition of all wartime restrictions, would have been more effective, perhaps, if he had not striven so hard to be lively. One of his sallies, evoked by the impending début of Lady Astor as a Parliamentary orator, was indeed, as she observed, "more than polite."
She herself had her moments of gaiety, but was best, I thought, when seriously arguing for the continuance of the restrictions on alcohol in the special interests of women.
I am afraid, however, that the unregenerate were more intrigued by Mr. Carr's claim that the Carlisle experiment had been a great success—"it was the only city in the country in which a man could buy a bottle of whisky to take home."
Wednesday, February 25th.—Question-time in the Commons was dominated by the news that Mr. Asquith was in for Paisley, and Members were more concerned in discussing the effect of his return upon the Government and Opposition than in listening to Ministerial replies. Sir Donald Maclean was "all smiles" over his approaching release from the responsibilities of leadership; but Mr. Hogge, I thought, looked rather like Mrs. Gummidge when "thinking of the old 'un."
A nod from Mr. Macpherson and the Government of Ireland Bill was formally and silently introduced—strange contrast to the long debates and exciting scenes that attended the birth of the Bill's three predecessors in 1886, 1893 and 1912.
Sir Robert Horne explained with his usual clarity and persuasiveness the new Unemployment Insurance Bill. The debate on it was interrupted to allow the discussion of a motion by Sir J. Remnant advocating the increase of police pensions to meet the present cost of living. The police are, with good reason, very popular with the House. In vain the Home Secretary pointed out that the Government even in this cause did not feel justified in "out-running the constable." Forgetting all their recent zeal for economy Members trooped into the Bobbies' Lobby and beat the Government by 123 to 57.
"Whether a portrait is a work of art depends on the artist and not on the subject painted."—Sir A. Mond on the Imperial War Museum Pictures.
The idea that Irishmen, however much they may dislike British rule, never miss an opportunity of raiding the British Treasury, has received a rude shock. Captain Redmond, inquiring about the allocation of a sum of a quarter-of-a-million for reconstruction in Ireland, was surprised to learn that ten thousand pounds had been allotted to his own constituency, but not claimed. Mr. Devlin supplied the key to the mystery: "The reason it was not asked for was because we did not know it was there."
I learn from Who's Who? that the recreations of Sir Alfred Mond include "golf, motoring and all forms of sport." It must have been with keen regret, therefore, that he felt himself compelled to refuse facilities for cricket in Hyde Park, owing to the risk to the public. Viscount Curzon asked if cricket was more dangerous than inflammatory speeches. But the First Commissioner, speaking no doubt from personal experience, expressed the view that there was considerably more danger from a cricket-ball.
The Opposition had rather bad luck on the Constantinople debate. If they had waited till Monday, as originally arranged, they could have trained their big gun from Paisley on to the Government entrenchments. Through insisting on the earliest possible date, they had to content themselves with the far lighter artillery of Sir Donald Maclean. Much, however, was hoped from Lord Robert Cecil, who was believed to be heavily charged with high explosives. But before he could come into range up jumped Sir Edward Carson, and in a few brief sentences pointed out that until the Prime Minister had told them the grounds for the decision to leave the Turk his capital, and the conditions under which he was to stay there, the House was talking in the air. Members thereupon clamoured for the Prime Minister, who accordingly had to make his defence when he had heard only half the indictment, and to expend most of the ammunition he had prepared for Lord Robert, including some remarkable specimens of the "deadly parallel," before receiving his adversary's fire.
That in turn rather upset Lord Robert's plan of campaign, and he was not much more destructive than Sir Donald Maclean had been. The House as a whole seemed satisfied that the Allies had done their best with a problem for which there is no perfect solution, and that there was at least a chance that the Sultan would find the guns of an international fleet pointing at his palace windows a strong incentive to good behaviour.