ANOTHER GARDEN OF ALLAH.
[The Metropolitan Water Board announces an advance in the Water Rate.]
I cannot fill the bounteous cup
Munificently as of yore
Because the water's going up
(It didn't at Lodore);
No longer now can I regale
The canine stranger with a pail
Drawn from my cistern's store.
Let Samuel the sunflower die,
Let Gerald the geranium fade,
And all the other plants that I
Have hitherto displayed;
The virgin grass within my plot
May call for water—I will not
Preserve a single blade.
Henceforth let Claude the cactus dress
My garden beds, who bravely grows
Without a frequent S.O.S.
To water-can and hose.
I've cast these weapons to the void
And permanently unemployed
Is Hildebrand the hose.
Within the house by words and deeds
I've run an Anti-Waste Campaign;
On every tap the legend reads:
"Teetotalers, abstain!"
While on each bath and tub of mine
I've drawn freehand a Plimsoll line,
Impressionist but plain.
When upward mount my chops and cheese
I fain must bend beneath the blow;
I have to pay the price for these
Whether I will or no.
But here at least, by dint of thought,
I feel that I can bring to naught
The rise in H2O.
You'll find that I shall keep in check
The gross expense of water when
Domestic nettoyage á sec
Rules my ancestral den.
I, unlike Nature, don't abhor
A "vacuum"—to clean the floor:
In fact I've ordered ten.
"At Bremen ... the crowd seized the stalls in the market, and sold the goods at prices between 100 and 200 per cent. lower than the prices demanded."
—Provincial Paper.
The correspondent who sends us the above cutting demands similar reductions in English markets in order that he may live within his income of minus two pounds a week.
INCORRIGIBLES
"Excuse me, Sir—I'm down here for a rest cure, and not allowed to look at a newspaper. Perhaps you wouldn't mind telling me what Kaffirs stood at yesterday?"
"Sorry I can't oblige you. I've sworn off newspapers myself. This is The Shrimpton Courier for February 12 that my landlady wrapped my sandwiches in."