ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday, August 2nd.—The rain that drenched the Bank-holiday-makers had its counterpart inside the House of Commons in the shower of Questions arising out of Mr. Churchill's article on the Polish crisis in an evening newspaper. Members of various parties sought to know whether, when the War Secretary said that peace with Soviet Russia was only another form of war and apparently invited the co-operation of the German militarists to fight the Bolshevists, he was expressing the views of the Government; and if not, what had become of the doctrine of collective responsibility?
The Prime Minister manfully tried to shield his colleague from the storm, but the effort took all his strength and ingenuity, and more than once it seemed as if an unusually violent blast would blow his umbrella inside out. His principal points were that the article did not mean what it appeared to say; that if it did it was not so much an expression of policy as of a "hankering"—("Hankering. An uneasy craving to possess or enjoy something"—Dictionary); that he could not control his colleagues' desires or their expression, even in a newspaper hostile to the Government, so long as they were consistent with the policy of the Government; and that he was not aware of anything in this particular article that "cut across any declaration of policy by His Majesty's Government."
This does not sound very convincing perhaps, but it was sufficient to satisfy Members, whose chief anxiety is to get off as soon as possible to the country, and who voted down by 134 to 32 an attempt to move the adjournment.
The Chief Secretary formally introduced a Bill "to make provision for the restoration and maintenance of order in Ireland." Earlier in the sitting the Prime Minister had declined Mr. De Valera's alleged offer to accept a republic on the Cuban pattern, and had reiterated his intention to pass the Home Rule Bill after the Recess.
Mr. T. P. O'Connor is a declared opponent of both these measures, but that did not prevent him from contrasting the lightning speed of the House when passing coercion for Ireland with its snail-like pace when approaching conciliation. In fifty years it had not given justice to Ireland; it was to be asked to give injustice to Ireland in fewer hours.
Tuesday, August 3rd.—That genial optimist Lord Peel commended the Ministry of Mines Bill as being calculated to restore harmony and goodwill among masters and men. According to Lord Gainford the best way to secure this result is to hand back the control of the mines to their owners, between whom and the employés, he declared, cordial relations had existed in the past. Still, the owners would work the Bill for what it was worth, and hoped the miners would do the same. Lord Haldane said that was just what the miners had announced their intention of not doing unless they were given a great deal more power than the Bill proposed. But this lack of enthusiasm in no way damped Lord Peel's ardour. Indeed he observed that he had "never introduced a Bill that was received with any sort of enthusiasm." Mollified by this engaging candour the Peers gave the Bill a Second Reading.
I am glad to record another example of Government economy. To Mr. Gilbert, who desired that more sandpits should be provided in the London parks for the delectation of town-tied children, Sir Alfred Mond reluctantly but sternly replied that "in view of the considerable expenditure involved" he did not feel justified in adding to the existing number of three.
Dumps suggest dolefulness, but the debate on the action of the Disposals Board in disposing of the accumulations at Slough, St. Omer and elsewhere was decidedly lively. Mr. Hope led off by attacking the recent report of the Committee on National Expenditure, and declared that its Chairman, though a paragon of truth, was not necessarily a mirror of accuracy. The Chairman himself (Sir F. Banbury), seated for the nonce upon the Opposition Bench, replied with appropriate vigour in a speech which caused Sir Gordon Hewart to remark that the passion for censoriousness was not a real virtue, but which greatly pleased the Labour Party, in acknowledging whose compliments Sir Frederick severely strained the brim of his tall hat.
After these star-turns the "walking gentlemen" had their chance. Sixteen times were they called upon to parade the Division Lobbies by an Opposition which on one occasion registered no fewer than fifty-three votes.
Wednesday, August 4th.—One of the few Irish institutions which all Irishmen unite in praising is the mail service between Kingstown and Holyhead. Even the Sinn Feiners would think twice before cutting this link between England and Ireland. Yet, according to Lord Oranmore and Browne, the British Post Office has actually given notice to terminate the contract. He was assured, however, by Lord Crawford that tenders for a new contract would shortly be invited and that, whoever secured it, the efficiency of the service would be maintained.
It was nearly eight o'clock before the Ministry of Mines came on. Lord Salisbury thought it would be improper to consider so important a measure after dinner; Lord Crawford thought it would be still more improper to suggest that the Peers would not be in a condition to transact business after that meal. He carried his point, but at the expense of the Bill, for Lord Salisbury, returning like a giant refreshed, induced their Lordships to transform the Minister of Mines into a mere Under-Secretary of the Board of Trade, thus defeating, according to Lord Peel, the principal purpose of the measure.
It was another day of rather small beer in the Commons. There were, however, one or two dicta of note. Thus Sir Bertram Falk, who was concerned because Naval officers received no special marriage allowance, was specifically assured by Sir James Craig that the Admiralty will not prevent men from marrying. I understood, however, that it will not recognise a wife in every port.
Thursday, August 5th.—With lofty disregard of a hundred-and-twenty years of history the Duke of Northumberland informed the Peers that the present state of Ireland was due to Bolshevism. Having diagnosed the disease so clearly he ought to have been ready with a remedy, but could suggest nothing more practical than the holding of mass meetings to organise British public opinion.
Meanwhile the Commons were engaged in rushing through with the aid of the "guillotine" a Bill for the restoration of order in the distressful country. Mr. Bonar Law, usually so accurate, fell into an ancient trap, and declared that the Sinn Fein leaders had "raised a Frankenstein that they cannot control."
Sir Hamar Greenwood made as good a defence of the Bill as was possible in the circumstances. But neither he nor anybody else could say how courts-martial, which are "to act on the ordinary rules of evidence," will be successful in bringing criminals to justice if witnesses refuse to come forward.
Mr. T. P. O'Connor re-delivered the anti-coercion speech which he has been making off and on for the last forty years. Mr. Devlin was a little more up-to-date, for he introduced a reference to the Belfast riots and drew from the Chief Secretary an assurance that the Bill would be as applicable to Ulster as to the rest of Ireland.
Mr. Asquith denounced the Bill with unusual animation, and was sure that it would do more harm than good. Cromwellian treatment needed a Cromwell, but he did not see one on the Treasury Bench. "Cromwell yourself!" retorted the Prime Minister. The only unofficial supporter of the Bill, and even he "no great admirer," was Lord Hugh Cecil; but nevertheless the Second Reading was carried by 289 to 71.
The House afterwards gave a Second Reading to the Census (Ireland) Bill, on the principle, as Captain Elliott caustically observed, that if you can't do anything with the people of Ireland you might at least find out how many of them there are.
Friday, August 6th.—The remaining stages of the Coercion Bill were passed under the "guillotine." Mr. Devlin declared that this was not "cricket," and refused to play any longer; but it is only fair to say that he had not then seen our artist's picture.
"An' when I told 'im in the orfice that me money wasn't right, he says, ''Ere 's a ready reckoner—work it out yerself;' an' believe me or believe me not, but when I looked at the blessed book I found it was last year's."
"At this stage the Chairman withdrew complaining of a head-ache without nominating a successor, darkness set in and there were no lights. Along with the Chairman some forty people also left in a body. What happened afterwards is not clear."
Indian Paper.
We don't wonder the reporter was baffled.
Dear Mr. Punch.
—Re the authorship of Shakspeare's plays, may I quote from Twelfth Night, Act I., Scene V.? Thank you.
"'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white
Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on."
This is unquestionably bacon.
The Vicar (in a gallant attempt to cover his opponent's eloquence) sings. "We plough the fields and scatter—"