THE LANGUAGE FOR LOGIC.
"Very well," I said, "if Jones is laid up I'll go round myself."
Our French visitor chuckled quietly and then shrugged his shoulders by way of apology.
"Pardon," he murmured with the most disarming politeness, "but your English language it is so veray funny, and I 'ave not yet become quite used to it. Is it not that it lack the accuracy, what you call the logic, of the French?"
"Indeed," I said, without the least interest.
But my wife was all enthusiasm. She clapped her hands in delighted agreement. "M. du Val is quite right, Dickie," she said. "We are a frightfully illogical lot, aren't we? I mean, the French are able to say just exactly what they mean."
"Your reinforcement, Madame, it completes my victory," replied the Frenchman with a graceful gesture. "Voyez, M'sieu'," he added, turning to me, "you 'ave just said zat your friend is laid up, when the unfortunate truth is zat he is laid down, and because of zat you will encircle, surround, make a tour of your person."
"There, you see," said my wife flatly, "it's all utterly illogical. Think how logical the French are."
"Well, let us work it out," I said in hearty agreement. "As a start I solemnly declare that the French are not so logical as they don't think."
"As they don't think?" repeated my wife in surprise.
"Ah!" I retorted, "you are not so observant as you might not be. I was merely giving you a little French idiom, 'logically' and 'accurately done into English.'"
"Mister," I next asked our ally, "your visit to England, will she be prolonged?"
"Who's the lady?" interrupted my wife.
"M. du Val's visit, of course, dear," I informed her. "You forget that the French are particularly logical with their genders."
"M'sieu'!" murmured the guest, rather puzzled.
"I asked," I went on for M. du Val's edification, "because if you stay long enough you may have the pleasure of meeting the parents of Mistress my wife. They are coming to the house of us next month. His father is extremely anxious to see her daughter, whom he has not seen since his wedding—"
"Whom in the world are you talking about?" muttered my wife.
"Monsieur will readily understand," I said wickedly, "that I allude to my wife and their parents. I hope they will bring his brother with them."
"'Her,' you should say," my wife put in with the suspicion of a snap. "There's only Johnny and me."
"It was of Johnny I spoke," I assured her. "And, by the way, if you haven't heard the latest gossip it may interest you to hear that the young rascal has formed an attachment, and is very proud of her fiancée. She is an awfully pretty girl and quite athletic as well—in fact, his arm is not nearly so small as Johnny's isn't, and his carriage is perfect. Their eyes are lovely, while a poet would rave about his sweet nose, her rosebud mouth and their longs blacks hairs. Their shoes—"
"Oh, stop!" cried my wife. "You're muddling me all up. Are you talking about Johnny or—"
"Name of a pipe, my cabbage," I said, determined to give her logic with swear-words and endearments as well, "where has your reasoning gone to? Any logical Frenchman would tell you at once that I wasn't talking about Johnny, but about her girl. As I was saying, their shoes have each a dinky Gibson bow on her."
"M'sieu'," reflected M. du Val in his polite way, "I begin to think zat you are getting ze advantage over me."
"Don't take any notice of him, Mosseer," pleaded my wife indignantly; "he's only pulling your leg."
"Pulling my—?" The Frenchman cogitated for a minute; then he understood and smiled in a superior way again. "All the same," he murmured quietly, "we French 'ave not all ze illogicalness, n'est ce pas?"
"Not quite all," I cheerfully agreed. "By the way, would you like to come with us this afternoon to the great Review in Hyde Park? Her Majesty the King will be there, also the Queen and very likely His Royal Highness Princess Mary—"
"I come wiz muchness of pleasure," assented our guest very hurriedly. Then, being a thorough little sportsman, he added with a bow:—
"If M'sieu' could persuade 'er wife to wear 'is new 'at, so veray charming?"
Another Apology Wanted.
"AN ATTRACTIVE EVENT AT —— CHAPEL.
Lady Absent for First Time for Fifty Years."Provincial Paper.
"Dogs frequently go straight to destruction in this way, but an official of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Animals told an Evening News representative he did not think they had suicidal intentions."
—Evening News.
If they had there would be less need for the Society.
"Persian Rugs for Sale by gentleman recently returned from Persia; various designs, old and modern; no dealers; preferably after six evenings."
—Daily Paper.
This gentleman seems to have brought back with him the methods of the Oriental bazaar. Six evenings is about the average time for adjusting a bargain.
BALM FOR THE SICK MAN.
The Turk (after reading report from Greece). "WELL DID THE INFIDEL SAY, 'WHEN ROGUES FALL OUT HONEST MEN COME BY THEIR OWN'!"
Parent (after tour of inspection of Art school). "Yes, I think this will do. I'll send my daughter here. Your ventilation seems good."