ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
The Lord Chancellor. "And to think it was the best Irish linen!"
Monday, December 13th.—Since the House of Lords took the bit in its teeth and bolted with the Government of Ireland Bill the Lord Chancellor has practically thrown the reins on the creature's neck and confined himself to occasional mild remonstrance when it kicked over the Government traces. The most he could do when rival amendments were put forward was to secure the passage of the less objectionable. Thus when Lord Shandon, for purely sentimental reasons—Ireland knew him as "a most susceptible Chancellor"—desired that the unifying body should be called a Senate Lord Birkenhead laughed the proposal out of court with the remark that "a man might as well purchase a mule with the object of founding a stud," and persuaded the Peers to accept the word "Council." He was at first inclined to oppose Lord Wicklow's amendment providing that neither Irish Parliament should take private property without compensation; but when he found that an old Home Ruler, Lord Bryce, was in favour of imposing this curb on Irish exuberance he, as "a very young Home Ruler," gracefully withdrew his objection.
Sir John Baird revealed the names of the members of the Central Control Board (Liquor Traffic). The muffled groans that followed the announcement of the first of them, Mr. Waters-Butler, were quite uncalled for, as I understand that the gentleman in question preserves a strict impartiality between two branches of his patronymic.
Sir Eric Geddes was not too sympathetic to the complaints of overcrowding on the suburban railways; but I cannot think that Mr. Martin had fully thought out the consequences of his suggestion that the right hon. gentleman should take a trip one night from Aldgate to Barking and see for himself. Imagine the feelings of the strap-hangers when Sir Eric essayed "little by little" to wedge himself into their midst.
If the Opposition desired a really satisfactory discussion on the origin of the fires in Cork it should have chosen some other spokesman than Lieut.-Commander Kenworthy. The hon. and gallant gentleman was less aggressive in manner than usual, but even so he encountered a good many interruptions. He was answered in a characteristic speech by Mr. Claude Lowther; and the debate as a whole never rose much above the level where it was left by these "Burnt Cork Comedians."
Tuesday, December 14th.—Despite the protests of Lord Braye, who demanded full self-determination for Ireland, the Peers gave a Third Reading to the Government of Ireland Bill. Lord Crewe so far modified his previous attitude as to congratulate the Government on having held on their course in the face of the discouraging events in Ireland, and to express the hope that the measure would be worked for all it was worth, though, in his lordship's estimation, it was not worth much.
THE END OF THE OMNIBUS.
Conductor Addison. "A nice old mess you've been and gone and made!"
Driver Curzon. "Me? If you hadn't been so late in turning out I shouldn't have had to cut things so fine."
The Ministry of Health Bill found the Peers in a much less accommodating mood. Lord Strachie moved its rejection, chiefly on the ground of the financial strain it would impose upon local authorities, and was supported by Lord Galway, who thought it an insult to Parliament to bring forward so ambitious a measure at the fag-end of the Session. Lord Curzon vainly endeavoured to avert the coming storm by accepting a suggestion that the Bill should be carried over till next Session. The majority of the Peers were out for blood, and they defeated the Second Reading by 57 to 41. Dr. Addison, from the steps of the Throne, gloomily watched the overturn of his omnibus. It is understood that, following the example of his distinguished namesake, he is going to write to The Spectator about Lord Strachie.
So many of the Commons appeared to have anticipated the Christmas holidays that Questions were run through at a great pace. Mr. Hogge, however, was in his place all right to know how it was, after all the protestations of the Government, that an official motor-car containing an officer and a lady had been seen outside a toy-shop in Regent Street. "Mark how a plain tale shall set you down," said Mr. Churchill in effect. The officer was on his way from an outlying branch of the War Office to an important conference in Whitehall; the lady was his private secretary; the natural route of the car was viâ Regent Street, and the officer had merely seized the opportunity to pick up a parcel.
A Supplementary Estimate of six and a-half millions for the Navy gave the economists their chance. Mr. G. Lambert could not understand why we were employing more men at the dockyards than before the War, and suggested that three or four of the yards might be sold. This proposal was received with singularly little enthusiasm by most of the Members for dockyard constituencies; but Sir B. Falle (Portsmouth) handsomely remarked that Chatham might well be leased for private enterprise. The Member for Chatham was not present, or he would, no doubt, have returned the compliment.
Wednesday, December 15th.—A less adventurous Minister than Mr. Churchill might have funked the task of justifying to a House of Economists a Supplementary Army Estimate of forty millions. But he boldly tackled the job, and proved to his own satisfaction that half the liability was a mere book-entry, and the other half inevitable, in view of the Empire's commitments. Sir Charles Townshend, in a maiden speech which in the more flamboyant passages suggested the collaboration of the Editor of John Bull, announced his intention of supporting the Government "for all I am worth," and proceeded to demonstrate that their policy in Mesopotamia had been wrong from start to finish.
Thursday, December 16th.—I don't know whether the current rumours of the Prime Minister's delicacy are put about by malignant enemies who hope that Nature will accomplish what they have failed to achieve, or by well-meaning friends who desire to convince the Aberystwith Sabbatarians that Sunday golf is essential to his well-being. In his answers to Questions this afternoon he showed no signs of failing powers. When Mr. Billing accused him of breaking his pledge that there should be no more secret diplomacy he modestly replied that that was not his but President Wilson's phrase; and a little later he informed the same cocksure questioner that a certain problem was "not so simple as my hon. friend imagines most problems are."
An inquiry about the Franco-British boundaries in the Holy Land led the Prime Minister to observe that the territory delimited was "the old historic Palestine—Dan to Beersheba." It was, of course, a mere coincidence that the next Question on the Paper related to the destruction of calves, though not the golden kind.
The quarter-deck voice in which Rear-Admiral Adair thundered for information regarding the Jutland Papers so startled Sir James Craig that, fearing another salvo if he temporised with the question, he promptly promised immediate publication.
Despite a characteristic protest from Mr. Devlin, who, as Mr. Bonar Law observed, treats his opponents as if they were "not only morally bad but intellectually contemptible," the House proceeded to consider the Lords' Amendments to the Home Rule Bill, and dealt with them by the time-honoured device of "splitting the difference."
Dealer. "Well, there she is, Guv'nor, an' yours at a rock-bottom price."
Farmer. "Noa, thankee. I only got pound notes on me, ye see, an' I doan't want to break into another."
"Maleswoman Wanted.—Competent to take charge of Millinery establishment."
Trade Paper.
A sort of Mannequin, we presume.
The Viking's Wife (to husband, who is setting off to raid the coast of Britain). "Good-bye, Sigurd darling. Don't forget what I said about getting your feet wet. And, by the way, I'm greatly in need of a cook-general, if you happen to see one. But remember she must be capable and plain—not like the hussies you usually fetch."