At another Table.
Two Brothers are seated here, who may be distinguished for the purposes of dialogue as the Good Brother and the Bad Brother respectively. The Good B. appears (somewhat against his will) to be acting as host, though he restricts his own refreshment to an orange, which he eats with an air of severe reproof. The Bad B. who has a shifty sullen look and a sodden appearance generally, is devouring cold meat with the intense solemnity of a person conscious of being more than three parts drunk. Both attempt to give their remarks an ordinary conversational tone.
The Bad B. (suddenly, with his mouth full). Will you lend me five shillings?
The Good B. No, I won't. I see no reason why I should.
The B. B. (in a low passionate voice). Will you lend me five shillings?
The G. B. (endeavouring to maintain a virtuous calm). I don't think I will.
B. B. You've been giving money away all the afternoon to people after I asked you for some!
G. B. (roused). I was not. It's dashed impertinence of you to say such a thing as that. I'm sick of this dashed nonsense—sick and tired of it! If I hadn't some principle left still, I should have gone to the East long ago!
B. B. I'm glad you didn't. I want five shillings.
G. B. Want five shillings! You keep on saying that, and never say what you want it for. You must have some object. Do you want it to go and get drunk on?
B. B. (with a beery persistence). Lend me five shillings.
G. B. (reflectively). I don't intend to.
B. B. (in a tone of compromise). Then lend me a sovereign.
G. B. (changing the subject with a chilling hospitality). Would you like anything after that beef?
B. B. (doggedly). I should like five shillings.
G. B. (irrelevantly). Look here! I at once admit you've got more brain than I have.
B. B. (handsomely). Not at all—it's you that have got more brain than me.
G. B. (rejecting this overture suspiciously). I've more principle at any rate, and, to tell you the truth, I'm not going to put up with this dashed impertinent treatment any longer!
B. B. You're not, eh? Then lend me five shillings.
G. B. (desperately). Here, Waiter—bill. I pay for this gentleman.
Waiter (after adding up the items). One and four, if you please.
[The G. B. pays.
B. B. And dashed cheap too!
[A small Cook-boy in white comes up to Waiter and whispers.
Waiter. Ze boy say zat gentilman (pointing to B. B.) tell him to give twopence for him to ze Cook.
G. B. (austerely). I have nothing to do with that—he must settle it with him.
B. B. (with fierce indignation). It's a lie! I gave the boy the money. It was a penny!
Waiter (impassively). Ze boy say you did not give nosing.
B. B. (to G. B.). Be d——d! Don't you pay it—it's a rascally imposition! See, Garcong, I'll tell you in French. J'ai donné l'homme, le chef, doo soo (holding up two fingers) pour lui-même-à servir.
G. B. I'm sorry to have to say it—but I don't believe your story.
[To the B. B.
B. B. (rising). I'm going to have it out with Cook. (Lurches up to door leading to kitchen and exit. Sounds of altercation below. Re-enter B. B. pursued by Voice. B. B. turning at door.) What did you say?
Voice. I say you are dronken Ingelis pig, cochon, va!
B. B. Well,—it's just as well you didn't say any more. (Goes up to Waiter, confidentially). That man down there was mos' insultin'—mos' insultin'. But, there, I'll give you the penny—there it is. (Presses that coin into Waiter's hand and closes his fingers over it.) Put it in your pocket, quick—say no more 'bout it, Goo' ni'. Only—remember (pausing on threshold à la Charles the First) if anyone wantsh row—(with recollection of Duke's motto)—I'm here! That 'sh all. (To G. B.) I shall say goo' ni' to you outside.
[Exit B. B. unsteadily.
The G. B. (solemnly to Waiter). I tell you what it is—I'm ashamed of him. There, I am. I'm ashamed of him!
[He stalks after his Brother; sounds of renewed argument without, as Scene closes in.
Bacon Again.—An erudite student informs us that "the crest of Shakspeare's mother's family was a boar," so that there is something Baconian about the Immortal Bard.
À propos of the Welsh Gold Find.—Advice Gratis:—Beware of Welshers.
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