F.M. PUNCH'S PARLIAMENTARY REVIEW.
Fac-Simile of Sketch made by our Special Artist on the Field.
House of Commons, Monday Night, July 4.—Floor of House strewed with crackers to-night, popping off unexpectedly as proceedings advanced. Immediately after Questions, Arthur Balfour brought up to whipping-post. For so clever a young man Arthur has made serious mistake. Gave definite pledge upon certain clause of Coercion Bill, then omitted to fulfil it, and finally, when challenged, wriggled about and endeavoured to show that his remissness of no practical consequence. House doesn't like wriggling. Nobody but Hart-Dyke came to assistance of beleaguered Minister, and he was incontinently put down by Speaker. Halley-Stewart, that child of victory, came in fresh from Spalding. Greeted with thunderous cheers from Opposition who have plucked up spirits wonderfully.
Old Morality, in his oldest and most moral manner, moved to appropriate remaining time of House for Government business. Fire opened upon him from all sides in protest against arrangement. Every man with a Bill wanted day to bring it forward. Chaplin in most magnificent manner joined in protest. Smith having replied in detail seemed that the incident was closed. But in fact was only beginning. Smith had greatly shocked Gladstone by incidentally alluding to Opposition as "entirely unparalleled in annals of Parliament." Gladstone, recalling some scenes between 1880 and 1885, raised his hands appealingly to 'igh 'eaven against the statement. John Morley dashed in with vigorous speech; then Goschen came to front, wringing his hands and working himself up to height of desperation. Gladstone had declared that he and his friends had not been charged with conniving at Obstruction.
"If the charge has not been made," said Goschen, trying to edge himself behind the plump figure of Old Morality, "it shall be made, and I make it."
This brought up Harcourt, who called Goschen "a deserter." This did not add to general amity of proceedings. Opposition cheered; Conservatives howled; then, amid uproar, a voice was heard denouncing the conduct of Members of the Government as "wanting in dignity and decorum." The voice spoke more in sorrow than in anger. There was a tear in every syllable. It was clear that, out of the fulness of a heart crushed with pain at witnessing these unruly proceedings, the mouth spoke. The voice not unfamiliar. All eyes turned to the quarter whence it proceeded. Who could it be that thus added a final reproach to a guilty and trembling Government? Who, in accents trembling with conviction and emotion, convicted it of "lack of decorum and dignity?"
It was Joseph Gillis!
Business done.—Government secured all remaining days of Session.
Tuesday Night.—"A bad Cass, a very bad Cass," murmured Old Morality, moving uneasily on his seat. It was Seven o'clock. Things certainly looking very bad. At Question-time, Atherly-Jones, who had been watching the case for some time, asked the Home Secretary whether he had made inquiry into the Regent Street affair, and if so, what was the result? Home Secretary had, from the first, blundered hopelessly. When first questioned peremptorily refused to interfere. Then Chamberlain interposed and backed up claim for inquiry. Matthews with ludicrous haste knuckled down and gave desired promise. This was on Friday last. Now went back from promise and declined to have anything to do with affair. House evidently angry. Atherly-Jones moved adjournment; supported by over a hundred, and debate entered upon. Caine and Dodds struggled for honour of seconding Motion. Dodds won. Seems Miss Cass's father is one of his constituents and a most respectable man.
"On the watch."
"Why," cried Member for Stockton with sudden access of energy, "he leads the brass band in the Malleable Iron Works."
That settled it. Thenceforward Matthews regarded as a doomed man. Chamberlain made speech conclusively showing innocence of Miss Cass. Not only was her father leader of the brass band, but it was clear she had not been out of the house on the nights the policeman swore he saw her in Regent Street. Attorney-General came to rescue of colleague, but movement ineffectual. Old Morality uttered some ponderous commonplaces without avail. Caine, revelling in temporary freedom, lashed the Home Secretary. Grandolph, that pink of chivalry, finding his old friend and colleague down, joyously jumped on him.
"I made him Home Secretary, and when I kicked over the traces of course I expected him to resign with me. But he stuck to office and salary. I said nothing, but I thought the more. Waited for my chance, and here it is."
So Grandolph prodded Matthews in the back, buffetted him about the head, and made him begin to wish that he'd resigned long ago. Motion for adjournment of House carried to a Division, and Government defeated by Majority of Five!
"A bad Cass—a very bad Cass!" repeated Old Morality, as he picked up his papers, and went off in unexpectedly good time for dinner.
Business done.—The Home Secretary's.
Wednesday.—Henry Matthews spent pleasant quarter of an hour this afternoon. Smith came down, and surrendered unconditionally in the Cass case. Promised to make the inquiry which Matthews had refused. John Dillon suggested that, in order to save time, Ministers should in future make up their minds what to do before the Division was taken. Matthews said nothing. Rather sorry for him. Thought I'd cheer him up a bit.
"Don't take this too much to heart," I said. "Good deal of talk about it just now, but soon be forgotten."
"Take what to heart?" he asked, with pretty air of surprise. "Smith is only confirming what I said when I promised an inquiry."
"But then you refused it afterwards."
"Exactly. So, if Smith had come down and refused the inquiry, I would still have been all right. Don't you see?"
I didn't, quite. Perhaps it will come on further reflection. Business done.—Supply.
Thursday.—Came upon curious scene in Lobby this afternoon, just after prayers. F. W. Maclean, Member for Woodstock Division of Oxfordshire, standing at full length near the Post-Office. To him enter Grandolph, making for House, anxious to see how Matthews is looking to-day. Maclean, drawing himself up another inch, looked down on Grandolph. Grandolph, seizing the situation, half turned round, and looked up at his successor in the re-adjusted representation of Woodstock. Neither spoke; but it was a pretty scene, not needing words.
Past and Present Members for Woodstock.
Grandolph found Matthews on Treasury Bench, looking as if nothing had happened, and as if nothing was going to happen. House curiously crowded, considering. The old story over again, with just a difference in enumeration of the chapter. Hitherto been on Coercion Bill, First Reading, Second Reading, Committee Stage, and Report Stage. Now Third Reading moved. Gladstone begins it all over again, as if nothing had yet been said. Benches filled to hear him, and no one moved till speech ended in glowing peroration. Then Members, simultaneously struck with conviction that they'd heard this before, streamed out. Rest of Sitting dull talk and empty benches. Business done.—Third Reading of Coercion Bill moved.
Friday.—Coercion Bill through at last! Final bout of talking dull till towards end, when Dillon made one of his impassioned speeches (wonderfully improved has John since he first entered House). Harcourt stroked Ministerialist back wrong way; and Goschen replied in animated speech. One little flash disturbed monotony of earlier part of sitting. Elderly young man, name of Coleridge, trotted out again the mean and spiteful reference to Old Morality's Book-stall connection. O. M., for once moved to anger, hotly resented impertinence.
Haven't we had enough of this now? It was Tim Healy began it. Not desirable that men without a tithe of Tim's talent should imitate his ingrained ill-manners.
Business done.—Coercion Bill passed by Majority of 87.