DESPATCH WITH ECONOMY.
(Minutes relative to a Misdirected Telegram, found not a hundred miles from the G.P.O.)
Original Telegram:—
From Lucy to Flutterby, Peacock's Priory, Battersea.
"Ask Jack to dine with us at eight."
First Minute. This Telegram was sent to Peacock's Rest, but there refused as Mr. Flutterby was not there. It was re-directed to what was supposed to be his address, "Morton's Repository, Whitechapel." It was again refused. We cannot recover the sixpence. (Official Initials.)
Second Minute. Who re-directed the Telegram, and why was it not paid for before delivery? (Initials as before.)
Third Minute. We cannot ascertain the name of the person who re-directed the Telegram, and did not receive the sixpence because the Telegram was never accepted. (Initials as before.)
Fourth Minute. Who sent the Telegram originally? (Initials as before.)
Fifth Minute. We have sent an Officer to inquire, and find that Lucy lives in Flower Cottage, Kensingbridge—she is the sender's wife. She says she knows nothing about the telegram. (Initials as before.)
Sixth Minute. Cannot the address of the sender be ascertained? (Initials as before.)
Seventh Minute. We believe the sender must also live in Flower Cottage, Kensingbridge. Shall we send an Officer to inquire? (Initials as before.)
Eighth Minute. An Officer from the Head Office had better be sent. (Initials as before.)
Ninth Minute. An Officer from the Head Office has been sent. The sender of the telegram is either out or says he is out. His wife declares she knows nothing about it. (Initials as before.)
Tenth Minute. Has the sender no other address besides Peacock's Priory, Morton's Repository, and Flower House, Kensingbridge? (Initials as before.)
Eleventh Minute. What is being done about that missing sixpence? A week since last reply. Its non-payment interferes with the Estimates. (Initials as before.)
Twelfth Minute. Nothing has been done. What can be done? (Initials as before.)
Thirteenth Minute. An Officer should call upon the sender of the telegram and demand payment of the sixpence. (Initials as before.)
Fourteenth Minute. An Officer has called several times, and cannot find the sender in. His wife repeats she knows nothing about it, and declines to give information. (Initials as before.)
Fifteenth Minute. Has the sender no other address? He must pay the sixpence. Let him be told this. (Initials as before.)
Sixteenth Minute. We have found him at another address, but he still declines to pay the sixpence, he says he has never received the telegram. (Initials as before.)
Seventeenth Minute. Try again. Let him be informed that if he does not pay the sixpence, no further telegram of his will be directed. (Initials as before.)
Eighteenth Minute. He has been told so. He says he does not want his messages re-directed. He has not as yet paid the sixpence. (Initials as before.)
Nineteenth Minute. Ten days since last communication. Has that missing sixpence been recovered? (Initials as before.)
Twentieth Minute. No. The sender of the telegram, we believe, has gone abroad. (Initials as before.)
Twenty-first Minute. Month since receipt of last information. Has that missing sixpence been recovered? The sender must be asked for it again if is has not been received. (Initials as before.)
Twenty-second Minute. An equivalent to the money due on re-directing the message has been recovered. The sender has given an Officer of the Department a French franc. (Initials as before.)
Twenty-third Minute. Let the French franc be exchanged for English money and paid into the account of the Department. Account of expenses to the Department for collecting the sixpence should now be sent. (Initials as before.)
Final Minute. In compliance with instructions, account of expenses incurred in collecting the sixpence will be forwarded forthwith. Some time will be required in setting out the details. Being rather large, it has been considered advisable to send the packet by Parcels Post. (Initials as before.)