ROBERT AT THE AMERICAN EXHIBITION.
I've paid my second wisit to this most emusing place, and have to report a grate improvement in its inside, witch is gradawally a filling up like an hungry Alderman at a nice rich fust class dinner.
But this time I paid speshal attention to the outside emusements, and them as carnt find no fun and xcitement in them, had better go off at wunce to the Amerrycan Bar for a "Coaxer," and that, as I found, will soon pick him up. I never saw such a site as Bufferlow Bill's Wild West in South Kensington, the werry recklekshun of it sets me off so that I must pull myself together with one of Bertram's "Brighton Steadiers," or I shall get too exsited to write strait.
Well, I spose it was because they was jest a little late that the whole blooming lot of 'em, Amerrycans and Cow Boys, and Mexicans and Injians with their Squalls and Porposes, and Gals a riding like gals generally rides, and Gals a riding like men, all cum a galloping in at such a whirling pace that it litorally took away all my pore breth, and they screamed as they galloped, and their crimson and blue and scarlet and yeller clokes all shone in the sunlight and fluttered in the breeze, and when they came jest in front of me, where I was setting with dignerty in a reserwed seat at the small charge of 1s., they pulled up bang, as if they was all shot, and all sat as still as mice.
Well, then we had a hole carrywan of settlers for life attacked as they was agoing quietly along by a hole army of wild Injians, and defended by Bufferlow Bill and his bold Cow Boys, and a grand fight it was. Plenty of firing, but not enuff execushun for to friten the ladies, for the jest a few was killed in the dedly combat, they all got up and rode away after the battle was over; so I spose as they was ony shamming jest to deceeve the enemy.
Curiosity, which is the Waiter's weekness, makes me inquire, why so many Cow Boys when there aint not no Cows? We wound up with a Bufferlow hunt, but as the animals was jest as uncurry-combed and as dirty as afore, I gammoned Mrs. Robert, who was with me, that it was ardly a site for a reel dellycat lady to witness, so we went off to see the Toboggening, and grate fun it was to look at. But, to my extreme estonishment nothink wood do but Mrs. Robert must try it, and, in spite of all my remonstrances, I presently found myself a seated with my bitter arf on the top of an high hill, about to be launched hedlong on our wild career with ony a piece of rope to guide us and nothink to stop us. Oh, that dedly moment of hezitashun! and then the rush through the hair with sitch litening speed as made Mrs. Robert give jest a little squeal. How any sane person having wunce tried this new game, which recalled to fond memory the sensashun of my fust swing, can wish to repeat the dose, I carnt understand. He suttenly ought to have the stummuck of a Horsestrich rather than of a Halderman. The fond partner of my fate having a little hedake after her rash xperryment, which she insisted upon declaring was owing to the rifle-shooting, I adwised her to leave the noisy scene and seek the cumfort of her quiet home, promising to jine her hurly, so she went. I was afterwards asked to try the Switch-back Railway, but learning from a prewious wictim as how the sensation reminded him of the fust time as he crossed the Channel, I declined with thanks.
