ECHOES FROM ST. JAMES'S PALACE. (JUBILEE DEPARTMENT.)
Crowd discovered besieging entrance to Staircase. Policeman examines bags for concealed Dynamite.
Loyal Old Lady (presenting reticule for inspection). Which there's nothing in it but a few cough-drops.
Policeman (exercising a very wise discretion). Pass on, Mother!
On the Stairs.
'Arry (to Halfred—taxing his memory). I dunno as I was ever 'ere before—was you?
Halfred (conscientiously). Not to remember.
A Deliberate Old Gentleman, full of suppressed general information (to his two boys). Now, the great thing is not to hurry—we shall find much deserving of careful study here.
[Faces of boys lengthen perceptibly.
An Aunt (to Niece). You'd better go first, Eliza; then you can read it all out to me as we go along.
Confused Murmurs—"Where's Grandma?"—"It is ridiklous to go pushing like that!"—"Well, the Pit's a joke to this!" &c., &c.
In the State Apartments.
Delib. O. G. This, boys, is the ante-room, and here, you see, is a trophy presented by the Maha——
[Puts on glasses, to inspect label.
Policeman (loudly). Now then, Sir, don't block the way, please,—keep moving!
[O. G. moves on, under protest, to secret relief of boys.
The Aunt (examining pair of Elephant Tusks set in carved Buffalo's Head). They may call them "tusks" if they like, Eliza,—but anyone can see they're horns. They belong to one of them "Cow-Elephants," depend upon it!
[Peers anxiously about in vain attempt to discover it.
Loyal Old Lady. There's nothing here but these caskets. I thought they'd the Jubilee Cake on view!
Visitor (in state of general gratification). Ha! they've given her some nice things among 'em, I must say. There, you see,—an arm-chair,—always come in useful, they do!
Female V. Jane, come here, quick! (They gaze reverentially on carved chest full of slippers.) That's what I call a nice present, now,—but, if they were mine, I should unpick all that raised embroidery inside the soles before ever I put 'em on!
Jane. Well, I suppose she wouldn't only wear them when she's in state.
Policeman. Now, Ladies, please don't linger! Pass along, there!
The Well-informed Old G. You see this device, formed of green and yellow feathers, boys. Well, these feathers come from——
Policeman (as before). Don't stop the way, Sir, please!
Old G. (hanging on obstinately to barrier)——The Sandwich Islands, and are worn exclusively by—(is swept on by crowd, and wedged tightly against case containing samples of woollen products—boys dive under red cord, and escape).
Two Ladies (from the country). Those Policemen is like so many parrots, with their "Keep moving;" they don't give you time for a good look! That's a handsome pair of jugs the Crown Prince and Princess give her, a little like the pair old Mr. Spudder won with his Shorthorns at the Show, don't you think? Only more elaborate, p'raps. Tell me if you can see the Cake anywhere, my dear. I don't want to go away, and not see that!
Intelligent Visitor. That's a curious thing, now. Look at that label, "Presented by——" and the name left blank!
A Jocular Visitor (seeing an opportunity). Too bad, Maria! I'm sure we wrote our names plainly enough!
[Sensation amongst bystanders, who regard the couple with respectful interest.
Maria (who considers this trifling with a serious subject). If I had known you were going to be so foolish, George, I should not have come!
[Collapse of George.
A Practical Visitor. Now, there's a neat idea—d'ye see? A crown, made all out of tobaccer. There's some sense in giving a thing like that!
The Jocular Visitor (reviving at sight of embroidered Child's Frock in case). Pretty costume, that, eh, Maria? But do you think Her Gracious Majesty will ever be able to get it on?
Maria (horrified). I tell you what it is, George, if you go on making these stupid jokes, you will get us both turned out—if not worse! I'm sure that Policeman heard!
Loyal Old Lady. They've given her scent, and little brass-nailed boots, and cotton reels enough to set her up for life. But there, she deserves it all, bless her!
Party of Philistines (to one another.) You don't want to go in there—there's only a lot of water-colours presented by the British Institute. Let's see if we can find the Jubilee Cake!
Final Tableau.—At the General Exit.
Crush of enthusiastic Britons, gazing at a gigantic ornament from the Jubilee Cake. Various exclamations. "All of it pure sugar, I shouldn't wonder!"—"What do you think of that for a cake, Jemmy?"—"Lift Joey up to have a look!"—"Well, I do call that grand!"
Loyal Old Lady (forcing her way to the front—disappointedly). But that's only the trimmings!
A Bystander (correctively). You can't expect any Cake to keep long, with so many in the family; and, even as it is, you get some ideer what it must have been!
All (deeply impressed). Ah, you do, indeed—you get that! Well, I'm glad I came; I shan't forget this as long as I live!
[Exeunt awestruck—their places are taken by others, who gaze long and respectfully on the Cake. Scene closes in.