MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.
(Which will be found useful in explaining certain Conventional Forms of Expression. Compiled by Professor Von Hombugh.)
Journalistic.
"The Police have a clue." Meaning—"The Police know nothing about it, and are doing all they know."
"An exceptionally experienced Detective has charge of the case, and is actively engaged in investigating all matters concerning it;" i.e., "A promoted constable in plain clothes is loafing about the neighbouring public-houses, and standing drinks, generally without the exercise of much discrimination, to unlikely people."
"A young Woman of prepossessing appearance;" i.e., "A rather showy female."
"The Police are, however, very reticent about the whole affair;" i.e., "When ignorance is rife, 'tis folly to give tongue."
"It is believed that the most important discoveries will result from the investigations now in progress;" i.e., "Nothing is known as to whether anything is being done: but it finishes off the paragraph, and sounds well."
"I am assured on the best authority, that there is no truth in the rumour that H.S.H. the Prince of Katzendlenbogen has been laid up with chicken-pox;" i.e., "As there's no news, I may as well invent some, for the sake of contradicting it."
"As everybody knows;" i.e., "I have a certain space to fill, and nothing new to say, so I'll tell an ancient story, or bring in Macaulay's New Zealander."
"As all the world knows," "except myself (the writer), who has met with the information for the first time in a most valuable book of reference."
"We regret to hear that, &c.;" i.e., "Our sorrow is tempered by the fact that we are utter strangers to the individual in question, and that his or her affliction provides us with a certain amount of 'copy.'"
"The hall was tastefully decorated;" i.e., two hired flags and an evergreen hoop.
Social.
"How are you? Haven't seen you for an age!" i.e., "Didn't expect to see you, and didn't want to."
"Not at Home;" i.e., "Doesn't she know that I've got a 'day?' Not that I want to see her even then!"
"Of course I should have known it anywhere. I think you've caught the likeness most wonderfully!" i.e., "Why the deuce doesn't he tell one whom it's meant for?"
"Small and early;" i.e., "No supper, and something which will count as 'a party,' at the least possible cost and trouble."
Theatrical.
"The Management regrets that, owing to previous arrangements, the piece must be withdrawn in the height of its popularity;" i.e., "Not drawing a shilling, company fearfully expensive, sooner we shut up the better."
"House full! Money turned away nightly;" i.e., Crammed with paper, two persons who wanted to pay for pit were refused admission by way of advertising.
"The new Play will probably be produced during the Summer at a West End Theatre;" i.e., "The author has had his comedy returned by every Manager in London, with the remark, that 'although excellent, it is scarcely suited to his present company.'"
Platformulars.
"It would ill become me, after the able and eloquent speech of your Chairman;" i.e., "What on earth is the name of that retired cheesemonger who talked rubbish, and mispronounced my name?"
"When I look at this splendid meeting;" i.e., "I wonder why those back benches are empty. Some bungling on the part of the Secretary, as usual."
"I shall have to return to this subject later on;" i.e., "Can't remember anything more at present."
"If we all work shoulder to shoulder;" i.e., "Must say 'shoulder to shoulder,' or 'shoulders to the wheel,' or, 'leave no stone unturned,' in every speech."
Workmen's.
"Well, I don't care if I do!" i.e., "Haven't had a drink for half an hour—waiting for you to stand treat this ten minutes past."
"Ah! he's a Gentleman, he is, every hinch of him!" i.e., He has "parted" freely, or "tipped" liberally.
"He's about as stingy as they make 'em;" i.e., He has declined to be abominally overcharged.
"Could you tell me wot's about the right time, Guv'nor?" i.e., "Isn't it about time to send me up some more beer?"
Advertising.
"A Lady is desirous of recommending;" i.e., "Getting rid of."
"The Property of a Gentleman going abroad;" i.e., "Mr. Brooks (of Sheffield)."
"Owner's sole Reason for parting with him is"—i.e., "The one he omits to mention." (To be continued.)
