The Emphatic Noes.
Chaplin in charge of case for Government. At last, in his natural position, temporary Leader of the House.
Chaplin (aside), "Glamis and Thane of Cawdor! the greatest is behind."
How different from ancient days and nights, when he sat below Gangway in corner seat, that is, when he could get it. Couldn't always; sometimes presumptuous person forestalled him. Even when there, with notes of treasured speech in swelling breast pocket, by no means certain he would find opportunity of convincing House. Others step in, and edge him on into ignominious dinner hour. Now a Minister of the Crown, with a new Department created for his control; to-night in charge of Government business. Old Morality off early, full of restful confidence.
"Chaplin's looking after things," he said, as he made himself comfortable in his room. "Needn't bother; all will go right. Great thing for a First Minister to have a man he can thoroughly depend on."
"At least, Toby," Chaplin said, "those were his remarks as reported to me. I will not deny that they are gratifying."
At the proper time—at his own time—the Minister for Agriculture rose, and, positively pervading the premises, utterly demolished Bob Reid, his supporters, his arguments, and his resolution.
"Chaplin," said John Morley, watching him with admiring glance, "always reminds me of Victor Hugo's description of the Rev. Ebenezer Caudray. You remember him in Les Travailleurs de la Mer? Haven't the book with me, but translation runs something like this:—'He had the gracefulness of a page, mingled with the dignity of a Bishop.' Never knew that Victor Hugo was personally acquainted with Chaplin; but he certainly here hits off his characteristics in a phrase."
Business done.—Miscellaneous, and not much.
Thursday.—"Where do you put the Cow?"
"Was ever man interrupted with such a question in such circumstances?" asked Jesse Collings, unconsciously quoting Tristram Shandy's father.
Circumstances sufficiently strange to make a man quote Sterne, even if he'd never read his masterpiece. House in Committee on Budget Bill. Storey moved Amendment on Clause 26, dealing with exemption from Inhabited House Duty of tenement buildings. Chancellor of the Exchequer taken part in the Debate. Charles Russell said a few words. House in most serious, not to say depressed mood. Subject particularly inviting for Jesse; always advocated welfare of Working Classes; now seized opportunity to descant on theme. Detailed with growing warmth arrangements desirable for perfecting sanitation of houses for Working Classes; when Tanner, crossing arms and legs, and cocking head on one side, with provoking appearance of keen interest, suddenly submitted this problem:—
"Where do you put the Cow?"
Opposition laughed. Ministerialists cried, "Order!" Various courses open to Jesse. Might have assumed air of interested inquiry. Cow? What Cow? Why drag in the Cow? Might have slain Tanner with a stony stare, and left him to drag his untimely quadruped off the ground. But Jesse took the Cow seriously. Allowed it to get its horns entangled amid thread of his argument. Glared angrily upon the pachydermatous Tanner, and having thus played into his hands, loftily declared, "I do not propose to take any notice of the insult."
"It makes me smile," said Swift MacNeill, walking out for fear Goschen should hear his smile and clap a penny on his Income-Tax.
