TIT FOR TAT!
(From a History of England, to be written in the Twentieth Century.)
The Intelligent Foreigner carefully picked his way amongst the ruins to Downing Street, and was soon in consultation with the Premier.
"This merely is a call of courtesy," he observed; "of course I am not in the least bound to give you notice, but think it civil to do so."
The British Premier bowed, as if inviting farther particulars.
"Well, O-HANG-HIT and I have settled everything," continued the Visitor; "he takes the Isle of Wight, while I assume the Protectorate of Scotland, India, and the Channel Islands."
"What!" exclaimed the British Premier, aghast at the information. "And what if we resist?"
"Resist!" laughed the New Zealander, "Why that would cost a halfpenny in the pound more Income Tax, and your rate-payers would never submit to that! Besides, our disease-spreading torpedoes (to which our own people are acclimatised) would soon silence opposition!"
"Very true," returned the British Premier, sorrowfully, "very true, indeed. Well, and what next?"
"Then O-HANG-HIT has a monopoly of English Beer, and we consent to the cession of Gibraltar to DUNT-KAR-ACUSSER. The simplest thing in the world!"
"But where do I come in?" asked the Briton.
"Oh, you don't come in at all. But don't be alarmed, we are only contributing our quota to the glorious cause of Peace!" And the Intelligent Foreigner showed the British Premier a report of a speech made by Lord SALISBURY, at the Mansion House, on August 6, 1890.
TRANSCENDENTAL NEOPHYTE.—Mr. JOHN BURNS has joined the Kabbylists.