L'ART DE CAUSER.
(With effects up to date.)
[English ladies, conscious of conversational defects, and desirous of shining in Society, may be expected to imitate their American Cousins, who, according to The Daily News, employ a lady crammer who has made a study of the subject she teaches. Before a dinner or luncheon party, the crammer spends an hour or two with the pupil, and coaches her up in general conversation.]
It really took us by surprise,
We thought her but a mere beginner,
And widely opened were our eyes
To hear her brilliant talk at dinner.
She always knew just what to say,
And said it well, nor for a minute
Was ever at a loss,—I may
As well confess—we men weren't in it!
The talk was of Roumania's Queen,
And was she equal, say, to DANTE?—
The way that race was won by Sheen,
And not the horse called Alicánte—
Of how some charities were frauds,
How some again were quite deserving—
The beauties of the Norfolk broads—
The latest hit of Mr. IRVING—
Does sap go up or down the stem?—
The Boom of Mr. RUDYARD KIPLING—
The speeches of the G.O.M.—
The strength of Mr. MORLEY's "stripling"
Was JONAH swallowed by the whale?—
The price of jute—we wondered all if
They'd have the heart to send to gaol
Those heroes, SLAVIN and McAULIFFE.
"Oh, maiden fair," I said at last,
"To hear you talk is most delightful;
But yet the time, it's clear, you've passed
In reading must be something frightful.
Come—do you trouble thus your head
Because you want to go to College
By getting out of Mr. STEAD
£300 for General Knowledge?"
"Kind Sir," she promptly then replied,
"Your guess, I quite admit, was clever,
And, if I now in you confide,
You'll keep it dark, I'm sure, for ever.
Yet do not get, I pray, enraged,
For how I got my information
Was simply this—I have engaged
A Coach in General Conversation,"