SCIENCE FOREVER!
MR. PUNCHINELLO is pleased to observe that there is to be a meeting of the Western Social Science Association in Chicago, and he hereby announces his intention of attending as a Volunteer Delegate. He will, if he is well treated by the Convention, so that he may reach the elevation of soul necessary, read exhaustive and exhausting papers on the following subjects:
1. On the complete removal of the buildings now constituting the City of Washington to Chicago.
2. On Free Drinks; their origin, history, purpose, and influence.
3. On a curious fluid known as Drinking-Water; observed in other parts of the world, but entirely unknown in Chicago.
4. On Virtue its Own Reward, as exemplified in the Lives and Adventures of the Chicago Police.
5. On the Various Smells to be observed in Chicago (with pungent experiments.)
6. On the Exact Trigonometrical Measurement of a Corner in Grain.
7. On the feasibility of working an Elevator entirely by whisky power.
MR. PUNCHINELLO has prepared forty-nine other papers on different scientific subjects, including Pugilism, Base Ball, the Velocipede, Female Suffrage, and Lake Navigation; and he now awaits on invitation from Chicago to come on with his largest drum and his most melodious trumpet. He is aware of the general impression among the Children of the West that they already know every thing. He hastens to assure them that they labor under the most hideous of delusions.
A Midsummer Reading of Shakspeare.
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It must have been in "fly-time" that Shakspeare wrote-- "When we have Shoo-flied off this mortal coil." |
A Dead Beat to the Windward.
MR. ASHBURY of "Cambria" fame.