Habits which concern Others.
Not only for our own sakes, but on account of all with whom we associate, it is our duty to take great care of our habits. The general principle which should lead us to do this is, that we cannot live for ourselves alone. We must think of others; we must speak and act with them in our minds. And we are bound to form such habits as shall tend to their good—to make us useful in the world. We must, in a word, deny ourselves. If, while we are children, we take pleasure in giving a part of what we enjoy, be it only a bunch of flowers, or an apple, to one of our school-mates, we shall thus prepare ourselves to make others good and happy, when we come to manhood. But a selfish habit will be very hard to change hereafter.
We should form the habit of associating with good persons. A lad may have many pleasant things about him; he may be witty, or bold, or smart; but, if he is coarse in his manners—if he is vulgar, profane, or addicted to falsehood, we should shun his company. We are apt to become like those with whom we freely associate; and although we do not mean to imitate their faults, and do not think there is any danger of it, yet we may soon fall into the same bad habits. To be safe, therefore, we should never trust ourselves unnecessarily with any but good people.
You may think it will be easy to break away from the company and acquaintance of a boy, when you find him to be very bad; but it will not be so. Many have been ruined for life by the friendships they have formed with vicious children, while at school with them. They continued to associate with them, and caught their vices in youth, and even up to manhood. If we wish to do good in the world, we must be good; and we cannot be good, if we are very intimate with bad persons.
It is our duty habitually to speak well of others. We are accustomed to do the opposite of this—to say all the bad things of others which we think the truth will allow. This is wrong. A little boy once said to his mother—“When will these ladies be gone, so that we can talk about them?” And what was to be said about those ladies? Probably the family were in the habit of speaking of the faults of their visiters. If there was anything that could be ridiculed in their dress or their remarks, then was the time to discuss it.
Now, we all know the power of habit; and if we could only learn to think what good things we could say of others, and keep all that was bad to ourselves, what an immense improvement there would be among school-children, and in the whole world! It is our duty to love all men; let us, therefore, try to speak well of every one, and we shall soon love them. If we talk much against them, we cannot love them.
We should practise punctuality, for the sake of others, as well as ourselves. He who is punctual, will accomplish far more in a day, than he who is not so. Washington was remarkable for this virtue. He once rode into Boston without any escort, because the soldiers were not punctual to meet him on the line, at the time they promised. His mother taught him, when a boy, to have certain hours for every employment, and to do everything at the appointed time. This habit helped, in his after life, to make him a good man. He was able to do what, without it, he never could have done.
We injure others by a neglect of punctuality. A girl says to herself—“It is a little too cold, or a little too warm, to go to school to-day;” or—“I feel a slight headache;” and so she remains at home. Now, she thus not only loses all she might that day have learned, but gives her teacher trouble. He must note her absence; and when the time comes for a recitation the next day, she is behind her class, and gives him and them farther trouble. We ought never to say—“It is only once—I will not do so again;” and think thus to excuse ourselves; for, from the force of habit, the oftener we are tardy, or otherwise fail in our duty, the more frequently shall we be likely to do so, and the more injury shall we do others, of course, by this fault. So that, on every account, we should be punctual.
Among the habits essential to a good character, is moral independence. We hear much said about being independent in regard to property. Some persons think that condition all-important. But it is only so, if it can be proved indispensable to a higher and nobler independence—that of character. Let us inherit a patrimony, or earn a fortune by industry and economy, or by the power of superior talents; we shall still be miserably dependent on others, if we do not form our own opinions, as respects our duty, and practise what we feel to be right, and not merely what others tell us is right.
We should first understand in what true independence consists. It is not eccentricity, or oddity, or affectation; nor is it an unreasonable pride and confidence in ourselves. We sometimes see boys, at school, who put on airs, and pretend to be very independent in all they say and do. There is no virtue in this. Ann is called very smart, because she is not afraid to speak her mind, as she terms it, about everybody and everything. She does it, when she knows it will give others pain. This is not true independence.
Sarah is always saying queer, strange, and, what some call, independent things. But she does this merely for display. She is very dependent, for she lives on the opinion of others. She is always imagining what people will say of her. Another girl is trying to be eccentric. If she can find out what her companions expect her to think, or do, or say, she will strive to think, act, or speak, in exactly the opposite way.
True independence is a habit of forming our own opinions on all subjects, without regard to those of our neighbors. It leads us, under all circumstances, to think, speak, and act according to what we believe to be our duty. We should never wait for others to act, through fear of doing differently from them. It is our duty to be considerate of the feelings of others, and to be prudent and accommodating where their happiness is concerned. But if we feel any course to be right, we should always pursue it, let us suffer as we may from the unjust censure of others.—English Magazine.
