Varieties.
Musical Dialogue.—“Major,” said a minor to an elderly gentleman, “I must say your speech to-day was very flat.” “That,” said the major, “is very sharp for a minor.”
Singular, not plural.—The mayor of a small town in England, thinking that the word clause was in the plural number, always talked of the last claw of parliament.
A Dutchman.—A Dutchman was seen one day bidding an extraordinary price for an alarm clock, and gave as a reason, “Dat ash he loffd to rise early, he had nothing to do but bull the string, and he could wake himself.”
Long Bills.—Gentlemen of the medical profession in London are said to be called snipes, from the unconscionable length of their bills.
Poetry and Prose.—“I say, Pomp, wat be de diffrence ’ween poetry and de wat you call plank verse?”
“Why, I gib you something, Sip, I think will be lustratious of de subject:
‘Go down to mill-dam
And fall down slam’—
dat be poetry; but
‘Go down to mill-dam,
And fall down whapp’—
dat be blank verse.”
Good.—“Bill, lend us your knife.” “Can’t; haven’t got any; besides, want to use it myself.”
Wit.—Three gentlemen meeting to sup at a hotel, one of them wished for partridges. A brace was accordingly brought, and set upon the table, which he accordingly began to carve. He deliberately took one of them upon his own plate, leaving the other one for his two friends. “Hold!” cried one of them; “that is not fair!” “Perfectly fair, I think,” said the gentleman; “there is one for you two, and here is one for me too.”