HUMOROUS.

To my Sweetheart.

You're a broth of creature,
In form and in feature,—
It's myself that now tells you that same,
And sure, by my troth,
I'll not be very wroth.
If you'll plaze me by changing your name

What a swate little wife,
As a partner for life,
My darlint, 'tis you might be living;
And I'm just the boy,
To wish you much joy,
When your heart it's to me you'll be giving.

I'm half dead—botheration!
With sad consternation—
Of your flirting it is that I'm speaking;
So plaze to be thinking,
When you're winking and blinking.
It's my own honest heart that you're braking.

The divil a haper,
Will I stand of a caper,—
'Twould kill me to find you deceiving;
By my sowl and I'd die,
And that same is no lie,
Before I'd be kilt by me grieving.

Then spake but the word.
My nate little bird,
That you're niver a man's but mine;
And straight to the praist,
It's myself that'll haste,
To make you my swate waluntine!

[Teddy Magowan.

Boys and Men.

A youthful volunteer, the other day, out in Arkansas, was taunting a married gentleman, who had a wife and three small children depending upon him, for not rallying to the standard of his country, soon after the requisition upon that State arrived. 'Tom,' said our friend, 'you boys can whip the Mexicans, but should old England take a hand in the pie, I'll join, for it will require men to whip the English.'

Trusting too Long.

We recollect that a weekly paper was started, some years ago, in one of the Western States, the terms of which were $2,50 in advance, $3 at the end of the year—to which the editor jocosely added in a paragraph, 'and $5 if never paid.' We think that most of his subscribers took the paper upon the latter terms, since it has been non est. He played a joke upon himself.

Business Stand.

A Frenchman, being about to remove his shop, his landlord inquired the reason, stating, at the time, that it was considered a very good stand for business. He replied, with a shrug of the shoulders, "Oh, yes, he's very good stand for de businis; by gar, me stan' all day, for nobody come to make me move!"

Plain Directions.

Represent me in my portrait, said a gentleman to his painter, with a book in my hand reading aloud. Paint my servant also in a corner where he cannot be seen, but in such a manner that he may hear me when I call him.

Homogeneous.

Joe Snooks, seeing some farmer's boys employed, some at hoeing and others at mowing, in the same field, remarked that they were a hoe-mow-geneous set of fellows.

The Louisville Journal, philosophizing on the recent commencement of several newspapers, gives the following poetic remark:

'Income and ink'em,
Although you may link'em,
Are not such first cousins as some folks may think'em.'

We did not expect to mention large peaches again; but the Louisville Journal speaks of a lot which measured nearly twelve inches each, in circumference.

Proposition of a New Patent Law.

The following remarks and proposition, which we copy from the 'Farmer and Mechanic,' was written by a prominent member of the National Association of Inventors, and expresses the sentiments of a large majority of the members of that Association. No person who carefully examines the subject, can fail of seeing that the cause of justice and equity, as well as the advance of improvement, would be promoted by the substitution of the principles therein expressed, in place of some of those embraced in the existing patent laws of the United States.

"We advance the principle, which may be novel to some, that if the inventor apply genius, time, toil, and capital, to produce anything he may consider valuable, he has the same right to the exclusive use and enjoyment of it as the man who may apply time, and toil, and capital, without genius. That the application of genius does not divest him of any right enjoyed by all others in society.

It is true, the creations of genius are sometimes intangible, but that is no objection; all rights are abstractions, until embodied in constitutions and laws, and rendered practical by penalties.

If an inventor can define the limits of his claim, he is entitled to protection in it just the same as when a deed is put on record, limiting the boundaries of a lot of ground. All rights to real property are traced back to original discovery and occupancy, and now all the inventor desires, or nearly all, in any patent law, is a simple registry, just as we find in our Halls of Record. The Commissioner of Patents should be called the Register of Patents. Indeed, grants of land, as they are termed, have frequently been registered by the name of patents, in our Halls of Records, so strong is the analogy, if not perfect similarity.

Then what should be the Patent Law? We answer, by sections, at once. The first should be declaratory of the rights of inventors, as follows:

Sec. 1. The application of capital, time, skill and ingenuity, to the production of new and useful discoveries, shall be protected under the 5th article of the Amendments to the Constitution, which forbids private use without the consent of the owner, and for public use without just compensation.

Sec. 2. Should any invention or discovery be deemed of great importance to the general prosperity, its value shall he appraised on the requisition of the Secretary of State, which value, which ascertained, as hereinafter provided, shall be paid to the inventor from the Treasury of the United States, and, until this payment shall take place, the discovery of any inventor duly qualified to take out a patent, shall remain his property, and inalienable without his consent or the consent of his legal representatives.

Sec. 3. Any inventor or discoverer who may desire a patent for any discovery of his own, shall make oath or solemnly affirm thereto, and any specification, drawing or model, he may see fit to deposit with the Register of Patents, shall be received by him and recorded, as a matter of evidence of original right.

Sec. 4. There shall be no salaried Examiners of Patents, but each patentee may contract on any terms he may see fit with any Patent Agent or Examiner, to examine the Records of the Patent office, on the payment of ten dollars fee for the use of the books and privilege of the Patent Office, and no more fees than this first $10 shall be charged on any single patent, excepting five dollars each for every record of transfer of rights or parts of rights. Nor shall the fees be raised until it may be discovered that they will not support the expenses of the Patent Office. And it is provided, no expenses for the improvement of agriculture, or any purpose foreign to the business of the registry of Patents, and the necessary books and buildings, and salaries of the register, librarian and two clerks and door-keeper, shall be charged upon the Patent Fund.

Sec. 5. The Commissioner of Patents shall give advice of a scientific and legal character as he may be desired and qualified to do, to inventors. He may guaranty the originality of any invention at his own risk, at any price be may agree upon with any inventor to give certificates thereof, and this shall not interfere with his regular salary. But it is provided that the Commissioner shall not in any manner prevent others from examining and guarantying the originality of any invention for which a patent may be desired. And it is also provided that any Commissioner, Register, Clerk, Attorney, Examiner or Agent, who may give a guaranty or warrant of the novelty of any invention shall be held responsible in costs on any information to be filed by any party who may feel himself aggrieved, to rescind the patent which may not be an original invention of the claimant so guarantied.

Sec. 6. To rescind a patent, any party feeling himself aggrieved may file information in the District Court of the United States, of the district in which the patentee resides, notifying the patentee of such information filed, with what the former intends to prove, and where the patentee may discover the evidence relied upon by the informer, on which, the patentee may surrender his patent without costs should he so elect. But should the patentee determine to stand trial, he shall plead to such information within twenty days, denying the allegations of the informer, on which the trial shall proceed in its regular order on the calendar, and the patentee, if found wilfully and knowingly a monopolizer of the public rights, shall suffer costs and the reasonable expenses and counsel fee of the informer. And if such inventor shall make oath he has not been enabled to examine the proofs on which the informer relies to rescind his patent, he shall be allowed such further time as the court having jurisdiction may prescribe. And the court may make an order to the informer to exhibit fully his evidence of priority of invention, and no other evidence than has been exhibited to the inventor excepting rebutting, shall be introduced on the trial to rescind the patent.

Sec. 7. The Commissioner of Patents shall collect and keep in the Patent Office all the scientific works published and useful for references, and pay the expenses of the same from the patent fund. But the Commissioner shall not subscribe for more than three copies of any publication for the use of the office as aforesaid out of the Patent Fund.

Sec. 8. The application of any known machinery or matter of combination of machinery, or matter to new purposes or old purposes after a new method, or any means by which useful results are to be more advantageously produced than formerly, shall be the subject of a patent.

Sec. 9. A method, plan, design, or any new and useful idea, which can be defined, shall be the subject of a patent.

Sec. 10. A simple change of form shall not entitle any one to evade the patent of any inventor by a new patent.

The above are the principal improvements desired by inventors. Some think it not well to ask for all they want at once, but we think differently, for it will be said hereafter, when new amendments are desired, 'Gentlemen, you petitioned for the very provisions you now seek to have annulled. Your own committee was here at Washington assenting.' What answer will there be to this? None can be made without confusion of face for having over assented to a wrong.

We do not desire to censure the committee charged with the mission to Washington.—They have thought to act prudently and for the greatest good. We differ only on the real expediency of the case. We do not believe that such men as Benton, Calhoun, and other kindred spirits, ask or desire anything but what they think is right.

They will not sacrifice their reputation against a body of men to whom the Republic owe so much, and who have so long suffered in silence. The law as it now stands, is an improvement on the former law, and considering how low was the state of morals in former times respecting inventors, such sentiments as have been advanced by Judge Woodbury, and which are in spirit the same as the above, are destined ultimately to prevail. And those who choose to record their names in opposition are free to do so, as are also the tribe of persecutors who in all ages have stoned the prophets.

The principle endeavored to be followed throughout, is that of the common and statutes laws respecting the rights to real property. It may tend to create litigation, as to claims which are now refused entirely, but if no litigation or less is the grand desideratum, why not establish a dictatorship at once? The ipse dixit of one man will then prevent all argument. But the rights of property and jury trial in all cases are ours by the constitution—and equally are we entitled by the constitution to the pursuit of happiness and wealth in ærial regions as on the common earth—and if we may not be divested of our other property without certain laws and a fair jury trial, why should we be of patent property? And if patent agents presume to beguile honest inventors, why should they not be held responsible? They may refuse to back their operation by a guaranty, but then the inventor has a right to know it, and to know he has a remedy, should they do so improperly. The Clerk of one of our Courts guarantied the searches of one of his Clerks as to a piece of real property, and had to pay some ten thousand dollars, and why should it not be so.

When a tailor makes a coat he warrants it to fit, and when a surgeon sets a leg unscientifically he is also responsible in damages to his patient, and as is an attorney for negligent practice. Holding examiners responsible will leave the patent office open to the filing of new claims at the same time that it will prevent a world of litigation, favoritism and corruption.

We are not striking at our present worthy Commissioner, Mr. Burke. We are friendly to him. But the more honest a man may be, the sooner will he find himself displaced, if the office he holds may be used to grasp a vast amount of patronage and property.'

ADVERTISEMENTS.

This paper circulates in every State in the Union, and is seen principally by mechanics and manufacturers. Hence it may be considered the best medium of advertising, for those who import or manufacture machinery, mechanics tools, or such wares and materials as are generally used by those classes. The few advertisements in this paper are regarded with much more attention than those in closely printed dailies.

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