The Book of Anecdotes and Budget of Fun; / containing a collection of over one thousand of the most / laughable sayings and jokes of celebrated wits and / humorists.

by Various

TAKING A RECEIPT.

The Hartford Times vouches for the truth of the following story:

"Pat Malone, you are fined five dollars for assault and battery on Mike Sweeney."

"I have the money in me pocket, and I'll pay the fine, if your honor will give me the resate."

"We give no receipts here. We just take the money. You will not be called upon a second time for your fine."

"But your honor, I'll not be wanting to pay the same till after I get the resate."

"What do you want to do with it?"

"If your honor will write one and give it to me, I'll tell you."

"Well, there's your receipt. Now what do you want to do with it?"

"I'll tell your honor. You see, one of those days I'll be after dying, and when I go to the gate of heaven I'll rap, and St. Peter will say, 'Who's there?' and I'll say, 'It's me, Pat Malone,' and he'll say, 'What do you want?' and I'll say, 'I want to come in,' and he'll say, 'Did you behave like a dacent boy in the other world, and pay all the fines and such things?' and I'll say, 'Yes, your holiness,' and then he'll want to see the resate, and I'll put my hand in my pocket and take out my resate and give it to him, and I'll not have to go ploddin' all over hell to find your honor to get one."