Bogus Champagne.
Fill up your glass with turnip-juice,
And let us swindled be;
Except in England's cloudy clime
Such trash you may not see.
With marble-dust and vitriol,
'Twill sparkle bright and foam,—
Who will not pledge me in a cup
Of champagne—made at home?
We do not heed the label fair
That's stuck upon the glass;
It's counterfeit,—an ugly cheat,
That takes in many an ass.
The cork is branded right, and we
Know that it once corked wine;
They give the hotel-waiters tin
To save the genuine!
Think of this when you next 'wish you had given the price of that last bottle of champagne to the Tract Society,' as Cecil Dreeme hath it.
One of the best repartees on record is that of WILLIAM LLOYD GARRISON, who, having been reproached with inconsistency for having taken from his journal the old motto, 'The Constitution is a league with Death and a covenant with Hell,' replied that 'when he hoisted that motto, he had no idea that either death or hell intended to secede. Circumstances alter cases, and definitions modify both. Slavery, it now appears, is death, as every political economist claims, while the South is—the other place.
The following is from one who was not 'well off for soap:'—
DEAR CONTINENTAL:
It was my fortune, some time ago, while traveling through the New England States, to lose my trunk, on my way to a very thriving manufacturing village. Arrived at the principal hotel a few minutes before the dinner hour, I was shown up to my room, every article of furniture in which sparkled with newness,—its carpet shining like fireworks, curtains painfully stiff, and the air redolent of novelty.
One article of furniture, which I took to be a cottage piano or melodeon, turned out, on raising the lid, to be a wash-stand, amply munitioned with water, towels, and a new piece of soap. Having noticed that the article had never been used, and my own being lost with my trunk, I determined to put it to its legitimate destination.
I commenced rubbing it between my hands, immersing it in water, passing it quickly from one hand to the other, and using all other persuasive attempts to solve it into lather. Useless; it was un-lather-able, and hearing the gong sound for dinner, I gave it up as a hopeless job.
After dinner, in conversation with the landlord, he asked me how I liked my room. I told him that it pleased me very well, and that I had but one fault to find,—that was, that the soap in the wash-stand was the hardest I had ever seen, and I believed it was made of iron.
'Well,' said he, with a diabolical smile, 'it is hard soap, and it ort to be—it's iron-y—for it's Cast-Steel!'
The annexed may be read with profit by the charitable:—
H—— has never yet been known to give one cent in charity. A Christian called on him, the other day, and begged him to give something to a soup society.
'Ah-h-h!' said H., 'war times, now. Can't give anything.'
'The soup society is very poor, and would be thankful for the smallest sum.'
'Would it?' said H., cheerfully. 'Why, then, twice one are two. Good-morning.'
This, we presume, may be called figuring as a benefactor.
Our Arabic-studying friend has supplied us with a fresh batch of oriental proverbs:—
'A monkey solicited hospitality from devils. "Young gentleman," they replied, "the house is quite empty of provisions."'
'Eat whatever thou likest, but dress as others do.'
'Like a needle, that clothes people, and is itself naked.'
'He who makes chaff of himself the cows will eat.'
'Give me wool to-day, and take sheep to-morrow.'
'He is high-minded but empty-bellied.'
'Easier to be broken than the house of a spider.'
'He descends like the foot of a crow, and ascends (like) the hoof of a camel.'
But all yield in grim drollery to the last given:—
'There are no fans in hell.'
Which, as our friend declares, 'sounds as Western as Eastern.' Verily, extremes meet.
Many of our exchanges have spoken of the series entitled 'Among the Pines,' now publishing in this Magazine, as being written by FREDERICK LAW OLMSTED. In justice to Mr. OLMSTED we would state that he is not the author of the articles in question, and regret that the unauthorized statement should have obtained such general credence.
A statement has also appeared in many journals declaring that the literary matter of the CONTINENTAL MONTHLY is the same with that published in the KNICKERBOCKER Magazine. We need not say that it is entirely false, as any reader may ascertain for himself who will take the pains to compare the two publications. Not one line has ever appeared in common in the Magazines. The Knickerbocker is printed and PUBLISHED in New York, at No. 532 Broadway, the CONTINENTAL in Boston, at No. 110 Tremont Street.
The editor of the CONTINENTAL begs leave to repeat that as the principal object of the Magazine is to draw forth such views as may be practically useful in the present crisis, its pages will always be open to contributions even of a widely varying character, the only condition being that they shall be written by friends of the Union. And we call special attention to the fact that while holding firmly to our own views, as set forth under the Editorial heading, we by no means profess to endorse those of our contributors, but shall leave the reader to make his own comments on these.
Readers will confer a favor by forwarding to us any pamphlets, secession or Union, on the war, which they may be disposed to spare.
The Knickerbocker
FOR 1862.
In the beginning of the last year, when its present proprietors assumed control of the Knickerbocker, they announced their determination to spare no pains to place it in its true position as the leading literary Monthly in America. When rebellion had raised a successful front, and its armies threatened the very existence of the Republic, it was impossible to permit a magazine, which in its circulation reached the best intellects in the land, to remain insensible or indifferent to the dangers which threatened the Union. The proprietors accordingly gave notice, that it would present in its pages, forcible expositions with regard to the great question of the times,—how to preserve the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA in their integrity and unity. How far this pledge has been redeemed the public must judge. It would, however, be mere affectation to ignore the seal approbation which has been placed on these efforts. The proprietors gratefully acknowledge this, and it has led them to embark in a fresh undertaking, as already announced,—the publication of the CONTINENTAL MONTHLY, devoted to Literature and National Policy; in which magazine, those who have sympathized with the political opinions recently set forth in the KNICKERBOCKER, will find the same views more fully enforced and maintained by the ablest and most energetic minds in America.
The KNICKERBOCKER, while it will continue firmly pledged to the cause of the Union, will henceforth be more earnestly devoted to literature, and will leave no effort untried to attain the highest excellence in those departments of letters which it has adopted as specialties.
The January number commences its thirtieth year. With such antecedents as it possesses, it seems unnecessary to make any especial pledges as to its future, but it may not be amiss to say that it will be the aim of its conductors to make it more and more deserving of the liberal support it has hitherto received. The same eminent writers who have contributed to it during the past year will continue to enrich its pages, and in addition, contributions will appear from others of the highest reputation, as well as from many rising authors. While it will, as heretofore, cultivate the genial and humorous, it will also pay assiduous attention to the higher departments of art and letters, and give fresh and spirited articles on such biographical, historical, scientific, and general subjects as are of especial interest to the public.
In the January issue will commence a series of papers by CHARLES GODFREY LELAND, entitled "SUNSHINE IN LETTERS," which will be found interesting to scholars as well as to the general reader, and in an early number will appear the first chapters of a NEW and INTERESTING NOVEL, descriptive of American life and character.
According to the unanimous opinion of the American press, the KNICKERBOCKER has been greatly improved during the past year, and it is certain that at no period of its long career did it ever attract more attention or approbation. Confident of their enterprise and ability, the proprietors are determined that it shall be still more eminent in excellence, containing all that is best of the old, and being continually enlivened by what is most brilliant of the new.
TERMS.—Three dollars a year, in advance. Two copies for Four Dollars and fifty cents. Three copies for Six dollars. Subscribers remitting Three Dollars will receive as a premium, (post-paid,) a copy of Richard B. Kimball's great work, "THE REVELATIONS OF WALL STREET," to be published by G.P. Putnam, early in February next, (price $1.) Subscribers remitting Four Dollars will receive the KNICKERBOCKER and the CONTINENTAL MONTHLY for one year. As but one edition of each number of the Knickerbocker is printed, those desirous of commencing with the volume should subscribe at once.
The publisher, appreciating the importance of literature to the soldier on duty, will send a copy gratis, during the continuance of the war, to any regiment in active service, on application being made by its Colonel or Chaplain. Subscriptions will also be received from those desiring it sent to soldiers in the ranks at half price, but in such cases it must be mailed from the office of publication.
J.R. GILMORE, 532 Broadway, New York.
C.T. EVANS, General Agent, 532 Broadway, New York.
All communications and contributions, intended for the Editorial department, should be addressed to CHARLES G. LELAND, Editor of the "Knickerbocker," care of C.T. EVANS, 532 Broadway, New York.
Newspapers copying the above and giving the Magazine monthly notices, will be entitled to an exchange.