RECIPE FOR MAKING PUMPKIN PIE
| THE KIND THAT MOTHER DIDN'T USED TO MAKE (Copyrighted) First get your pumpkin. Then kill it and skin it. Cut pumpkin into small hunks with an axe. Boil the hunks. Boil them some more. Continue to boil hunks until they become a mucky gob. Unless you produce a mucky gob, the pie will be lumpy. Add fresh picked eggs to common cow's milk. Beat the eggs. They may be hard to beat, but beat them. Use a carpet beater if necessary. Now pinch the salt and add the pinch. Add a dash of cinnamon, add a few nutmegs (whole); these will give the pie that rich, nutty flavor so much desired. Add three-fourths cup of molasses. Do not add mustard—this is not a mustard plaster, it is a pie. Now add this mixture to the mucky gob. Stir until thoroughly mixed. Let stand while you give your pie-pans a coat of crust. Then pour mixture into pie-pans until they slop over. Place in a hot oven. When you can't stick a fork into the pies, they are done. Remove pies from oven and place on the back piazza to cool. If the dog likes them, they're all right. | Etiquette Hint: To remove a "sticking plaster," try yawning. |
| SUNDAY | SUCH A JAIS! |
| There was a young man from Calais Who saw a soubrette at a plais. Her beauty all fled When her make-up was shed, And his idol proved nothing but clais! | |
| MONDAY | |
| TUESDAY | |
| WEDNESDAY | (60 B.C.) Cleopatra invents peek-a-boo waists. |
| (60 B.C.) Antony becomes first easy Marc. | |
| (1906) Peek-a-boo waist is the pneumonia waist in September. | |
| THURSDAY | |
| FRIDAY | |
| SATURDAY | |
| OCTOBER | |
| The baby's favorite, often heard at night—a high-bawl in A flat. |