The Pansy Magazine, March 1886

by Various

THE LAND OF THUS-AND-SO.

HOW would Willie like to go
To the land of Thus-and-So?
Everything is proper there:
All the children comb their hair
Smoother than the fur of cats,
Or the nap of high silk hats:
Every face is clean and white
As a lily washed in light;
Never vaguest soil or speck
Found on forehead, throat or neck;
Every little crimpled ear,
In and out, as pure and clear
As the cherry blossom's blow
In the land of Thus-and-So.
"Little boys that never fall
Down the stairs or cry at all,
Doing nothing to repent,
Watchful and obedient;
Never hungry, nor in haste.
Tidy shoestrings always laced;
Never button rudely torn
From its fellows all unworn;
Knickerbockers always new,
Ribbon tie, and collar, too;
Little watches, worn like men,
Only always half-past ten:
Just precisely right, you know,
For the land of Thus-and-So!
"And the little babies there
Give no one the slightest care;
Nurse has not a thing to do
But be happy and say 'Boo!'
While mamma just nods, and knows
Nothing but to doze and doze;
Never litter round the grate;
Never lunch or dinner late;
Never any household din
Peals without or rings within,
Baby coos nor laughing calls,
On the stairs, or through the halls:
Just great Hushes to and fro
Pace the land of Thus-and-So!
"O the land of Thus-and-So!
Isn't it delightful, though?"
"Yes," lisped Willie, answering me
Somewhat slow and doubtfully:
"Must be awful nice, but I
Rather wait till by and by
'Fore I go there; may be when
I be dead I'll go there then:
But"—the troubled little face
Closer pressed in my embrace:
"Le's don't never ever go
To the land of Thus-and-So!"
J. W. Riley.