LETTER IV.
I have not told anyone that I have guessed this sad yet charming secret. My mother would be overwhelmed to learn that all her trouble to conceal her poverty from me has been useless. I still affect a firm belief in the flourishing condition of our house. But I am determined to save it.
M. de Sauves, as my lover is called, came to see me—and may Heaven forgive me!—I set myself to play the coquette with him.
So I said: "Have you still the same esteem for me?"
"Yes," said he. "I love you because you are beautiful with the noblest beauty, which is pure and modest."
"And my figure?"
"As exquisite and graceful as a vine."
"Ah! and my forehead?"
"Large, and smooth as the ivory which it outshines."
"Really?" And I began to laugh.
"What makes you so merry?"
"An idea—that you are my mirror. I see myself reflected in your words."
"Dearest, I would that it might be so always."
"Would you agree, then——?"
"To be your faithful mirror, to reflect your qualities, your virtues. Consent to be my wife. I have some fortune; you shall want for nothing, and I will strive with all my power to make you happy."
At these words I thought of my poor parents, whom my marriage would relieve of an enormous burden.
"If I consent to marry you," I answered, "your self-love, as a man, would suffer. I could not see you."
"Alas!" he cried, "I owe you a confession."
"Go on," I said.
"I am a graceless child of nature. I have neither charm of countenance, nor dignity of carriage. To crown my misfortune, a scourge, nowadays made powerless by the art of vaccination, has mercilessly scarred my features. In marrying a blind girl, therefore, I show that I am selfish and without humility."
I held out my hand to him.
"I don't know whether you are too hard on yourself, but I believe you to be good and true. Take me, then, such as I am. Nothing, at any rate, will turn my thoughts from yours. Your love will be an oasis in the desert of my night."
Am I doing right, or wrong? I know not, dear Anaïs, but I am going to my parents' rescue. Perhaps, in my groping, I have found the right way.