BLUE JOHN.
A Mississippi planter, and a gentleman of the old school, sends me this one from a little town in the Delta:
“My dear Trotwood, do you know what it is to get out of whisky Christmas morning in a little one-horse Mississippi town where you have to put a darkey on a mule and wait until he rides five miles through the mud before you can get your Christmas toddy? Well, I hope you never may, for that thing happened to me last Christmas.
“The truth is, there was no need why we should have been out of the red ingredient of Christmas jollity, for when we turned in the night before we had a fine, big jug of it. But the Major was there, and the Colonel and the Doctor, and somehow, before we knew it, it was gone.
“I am a bachelor, you know, on a big Mississippi cotton farm, and these were my guests and we went to bed with our boots on. About daylight Christmas morning we all woke up with one impulse and an awful thirst.
“The Doctor got to the jug first, and we heard him growl:
“‘What infernal hog drank all this whisky last night?’
“This stirred up the Colonel, and he sat up in bed and remarked, with his usual emphasis:
“‘That licker gone a’ready? Christmas mornin’, too?’
“By this time we were all investigating it, and some of the talk indulged in concerning the man who did it ought to have made him feel anything but white.
“By this time we would have given a dollar each for a drink. The nearest whisky was five miles away, where Ikey Rosenstein, a little Mississippi Jew, kept a cross-roads grocery. It was raining, and cold, too, but there was nothing to do but to call Blue John and send him on old Kit, the pacing mule, for a new jug of it.
“‘Blue John,’ I said, when he poked his head in the door, ‘you’ll find my bridle and saddle hanging up in the carriage house. Saddle old Kit and take this jug up to old Ikey’s and bring it back full, p. d. q.’
“‘Yassah, Boss.’
“‘Blue John,’ yelled the Doctor, ‘don’t let old Kit throw off on us this heat and we’ll give you first drink.’
“‘Yassah, Boss.’
“‘And, Blue John,’ said the Major, as he started off, ‘remember it’s Christmas, old man, and get about in a hurry. Here’s a quarter to help you along,’ he said, tossing it across the bed.
“‘Yassah, Boss, yassah.’
“We all laid down again to wait for Blue John.
“‘Boys,’ said the Colonel, after ten minutes of thirst, ‘I’ll bet I can trace every step that old darkey takes. Let’s see, now: He’s got to the barn door, hasn’t he? Now he has found the bridle and has caught old Kit. Now the saddle goes on and he is mounting.
“‘No, he ain’t quite up in the saddle yet,’ chimed in the Doctor. ‘He has stopped to take a chew of twist tobacco and spit on his hands.’
“‘That’s a fact, Doc, but he’s up now, isn’t he?’
“‘Yes.’
“‘Now he’s pacing down to the big gate. He’s opening it——’
“‘No,’ put in again the Doctor, ‘he got down off of old Kit and opened it. Hang the old fool, but isn’t he a slow one?’
“‘Well, he’s going up the road now, ain’t he?’ said the Colonel.
“‘Yes, and he’s got to the big swamp. He’s creeping through it. Dad gast, but ain’t it muddy there? Gehew, but I am thirsty,’ broke in the Doctor.
“Ten minutes later he added joyfully: ‘Well, he’s out of the swamp, and he has spurred old Kit into a gallop, thinking of that drink. Oh, old Blue John is a good one!’
“‘He’s at the three-mile post now,’ said the Major, twenty minutes later. ‘Lord, but that old mule can hump when he tries!’
“We all smiled in satisfaction.
“‘Where is he now, Doc?’ said the Colonel, after it had seemed an hour of silence.
“‘At old Ikey’s, boys. See, he’s handing old Ikey the jug. Now old Ikey is fillin’ it.’
“‘From what barrel?’ asked the Major, excitedly.
“‘Lincoln County, Tennessee.’
“We all grunted our assent in chorus.
“‘He’s started home now,’ went on the Colonel, ‘and the way that mule can pace! Blue John is settin’ up in that saddle, holdin’ that jug under one arm and a-larrupin’ old Kit every yard. Scott, but ain’t he comin’!’
“‘He’s got to the swamp again, Doc,’ said the Major, after twenty minutes had passed. ‘He’ll get here directly.’
“‘Boys, he’s reached the big gate already. I hear him coming,’ said the Colonel, excitedly.
“Sure enough, we heard him. There was no mistake—Blue John was now coming down the hall.
“‘Open the door and let him in quick!’ said the Major, ‘By gum! but ain’t he and that old mule a pair of buds?’
“By this time we had all jumped out of bed and were hunting for tumblers and sugar. Blue John poked his head in the door.
“‘Boss,’ said Blue John.
“‘Come in, Blue John!’ cried the Major. ‘Fetch it right in. You’re a good old man. Colonel, lend me your spoon a minute.’
“‘Boss, whar—whar——’ stammered Blue John.
“‘Come in, Blue John!’ cried the Doctor, ‘come right in.’”
“‘Boss, whar de debbil you say you put dat bridle in de kerridge house? I been huntin’ fur it fur er hour an’ I can’t find it ter sabe my life.’”