No Evidence to Convict Thomas of Stealing the Hog.
When I reached Lester's Crossroads it was to find the score or so of people comprising the hamlet very much excited, and their numbers had been re-enforced by a dozen or more farmers, who had come in on mules and in ox carts. I got accommodations at Jeffers', and in a few minutes Mrs. Jeffers had posted me as to the cause of the excitement.
"Thar's gwine to be the powerfulest lawsuit nobody ever hearn tell of," she explained. "Thar's gwine ter be as many as ten witnesses, and the lawyers will gab, and the squar' will boss everybody, and it will be the excitingest time we ever had. I'm so glad you got yere in time!"
The squar' who lived a mile out of the hamlet took dinner with us, also the lawyers, both of whom had made a ride of fifteen miles in the interest of their respective clients. The squar' was on his dignity, and the lawyers were looked up to with all the reverence and respect due the president of the United States. School was dismissed that the trial might take place in the school-house, and when we all found seats the place was packed. When the case was stated Thomas Andrews, a "squat farmer," was charged with having stolen, killed and converted to his own use one hog belonging to and the lawful property of William Ainsworth, another "squat farmer." The squar' opened his own court as follows:
"Here ye and look yere! This court ar' now open fur bizness, and it's agin the law to fuss or trifle. Them negroes and all others is warned to be powerful quiet, and if ary purson be in contempt he will get the full extent of the law. Hank Stovin, kick that ar big dog of your'n outer doors."
The prosecutor then charged the prisoner with having, between the 5th and the 20th of the month, stolen, killed and eaten, in whole or in part one hog belonging to the plaintiff, and described as black and white, 2 years old, weight 115 to 120 pounds, and in good health and fair condition.
He was followed by the other lawyer who denied the charge in toto, and intimated that he would prove a conspiracy to down the defendant, to the injury of his name and fame as an honest citizen of the commonwealth. The plaintiff was put on the stand, and when told to go ahead he said:
"I know that he 'un stole my hog, and I wanter see him sent to prison."
"Why do you suspect him of stealing the hog?"
"Hain't he shiftless and onery?"
"Is that why you suspected him?"
"It ar'. And I know the hog went over his way the last I seed of him."
The plaintiff hadn't made out much, but he had a witness who swore that he ate fresh pork at Andrews' cabin on the 12th. He also saw hog bristles and hoofs on the ground near the cabin.
"You declare that on your oath, do you?"
"Sartin, I've got to tell it as it was, though Tom and I hev always jiggered (got along) without a word."
A second witness swore that he called at Andrews' cabin on the 15th and the wife had fresh pork in a kettle. He asked if Tom had been killing and she seemed confused and did not reply. That was the case for the prosecution. It looked slim in one sense, and yet everybody knew that Andrews was a shiftless, suspicious character not above hog stealing. When the opposing counsel got hold of the plaintiff he asked:
"Was this hog ranging the country?"
"Yes, he was loosely about and around."
"Went where he pleased, didn't he?"
"Reckon he did."
"Well, how do you know he is dead? How far have you hunted for him?"
"Three miles."
"But he may be alive and well and four miles away."
"Couldn't be. Tom Andrews killed him."
"That's only your suspicion. Can you swear that that hog isn't home this very minute?"
"Mebbe he ar', but I shan't dun giv in."
The witness who had sworn to eating pork at Andrews' table was asked:
"Can you tell pork from a two-year-old hog from pig meat?"
"No, sah."
"Dare you swear that the meat you ate that day wasn't coon or bear meat?"
"Reckon 'twas pork."
"Yes, you reckon, but do you know it was?"
"Dasn't dun sw'ar any harder, sah."
The second witness was also tangled up on cross-examination, and then Andrews was put on the stand.
"Tom, did you ever see this hog in question?" asked his lawyer.
"Lawd, no!"
"How long since you had any fresh pork at your house?"
"Almost before the wah, sah."
"What meat did Miner eat there that day?"
"Coon, sah."
"What about those bristles and hoofs he says he saw?"
Tom produced a small package and opened it and displayed the four feet of a coon and a handful of hair. He admitted on cross-examination that he was onery, but he claimed to be honest.
"Mrs. Andrews," asked the lawyer when she was called, "do you remember when Jackson called about the quilt frames?"
"'Deed, I do."
"Were you cooking meat?"
"Sartain, I was."
"Fresh pork?"
"No, sah—'possum."
"Were you confused?"
"Lawd save ye, but I was never dun confused in all my life."
The case wasn't very strong in a legal sense against Andrews, but after it had been submitted his Honor called up all his dignity and commanded:
"You thar! Tom Andrews, stand up!"
Tom arose.
"Prisoner," continued the judge, "you stole that air hog suah's shooting! It's jist like you. You killed it and converted it to your own use. I'm jist as satisfied of that as I ar' that you took coons outen my trap last winter. However, they hain't proved it down fine and I've got to turn ye loose. Ar' yer ears wide open, Tom?"
"'Deed they is allus so."
"Then you skitter (listen) to what I'm going to say. Justice is arter you. She hit your trail way back ten years ago, and she's followin' right along. She moves slow but suah. She's gittin very clus to your vest buckle, and when she reaches out fur ye it will be good-by, Tom Andrews. You kin go loose, but it's only fur a leedle while. Justice is givin' ye mo' rope so that the bringin' up will be harder. Git out of yere and lumber yer carcass off hum, and if I was the plaintiff I'd cut across lots and meet ye down by the creek and lick the value of that hog outer yer wrinkled hide. Court stands a-journed."
—Detroit Free Press.
Travis—What! going into the Adirondacks without a guide?
DeSmith—Of course. Do you suppose a man who has trotted around Boston for five years is going to lose his way in the Adirondacks? Not much!
—Burlington Free Press.
There is a demand among theatrical people for "protection for American actors." How would an egg-intercepting screen at the front of the stage do?
—Philadelphia Times.