Postal Riders and Raiders

by W. H. Gantz

THE PARCELS POST.

The Postmaster General in his reports for 1908-9 and 1909-10 recommends a trial or “test” of a parcels post service on several rural routes “to be selected by the Postmaster General.”

The Congress now in session is giving, or will give, this recommendation serious consideration, it is presumed. Especially will it be given such serious consideration when the 1911-12 bill, making appropriations for the postal service, is under fire and is being “savagely attached by its friends.”

It may be depended upon that the express and railroad gentlemen now shearing a rich fleece from your Uncle’s postal fold will not have any fair tests made of a parcels post service so long as they can prevent it, and they appear to have numerous representatives in both houses of Congress who can be influenced to prevent it, if their past talk and votes may be taken as indicating what they are there for.

Of course, the chief clack of the enemy’s hired men is “lack of funds.” Yet they go on appropriating millions to people who do not earn it—to pay for services not rendered.

The same kippered tongue lashed the “rural delivery” service the same way. In the end, the people won. But they won, in the bill as originally passed, a rural delivery of the “test” variety. “Why?” Well, a properly equipped and serviceable rural delivery would be a step towards a serviceable parcels post and the raiders do not want the people to have such a parcels post.

As samples of the sort of “friendly feeling” manifest in Congress toward a parcels post and of the profound wisdom carried by some of its alleged friends, I desire to make a quotation or two.

When the measure was first up (1908), Representative Lever of South Carolina introduced the four counties “experimental test” amendment in the House. Following is his opening:

Every farmer here present knows of his own experience how much time is taken in extra trips to town and city.

Now, that is real fetching. Especially before so vast a gathering of farmers as heard it!

But a Missouri “farmer” present wanted to be shown. So he fired a question at Mr. Lever. The farmer from Missouri wears the name of Caulfield. He likewise wears an abiding distrust of the parcels post. Following is his question:

Is it not a fact that the great mail order houses of the country are the ones who are really in favor of the parcels post?

There is real intellectual magneto and lamp equipment for you. Note, too, the shrewdness of this Missouri “farmer” in wording his question—the mail order houses may not be the only ones who favor the parcels post, but they are about the only ones who “really favor” it!

Well, there are over 40,000,000 residents of the country—villages and towns in this country—among them, too, are twenty millions of real farmers. These are pretty firmly of opinion that they “are really in favor of the parcels post.” There are, also, not less than 30,000,000 more residents of incorporated cities, small and large, who at least think they favor a parcels post service which will permit “mother” to send a pair of pants to her boy ten miles away as cheaply as the laird of Skibo Castle, Scotland, can send two pairs of kilts to a son of his friend’s Aunt Billy who lives in Los Angeles, California.

Of course, the people may only think they think and are sitting up nights with the windows open and their ears spread to hear their representatives tell ’em they are wrong. If so, Mr. Caulfield and Mr. Lever will probably hear from them. It takes the people some time to recognize or properly to appreciate how wise some of their representatives are—what a vast amount of charges-prepaid wisdom they have. But the people finally catch on and then—well, then there will not be so many “farmers” of the Mr. Lever variety in Congress.

But I want to give Mr. Lever another show. He’s entitled to it “under the rules.” He should have several of them—not to show his profound knowledge of the value and dangers of an efficient, cheap parcels post, but to show that a man need not spend a cent in Congress to advertise the fact that he is a “practical politician.” All he needs do is make a few hired or ignorant remarks on some subject about which the people of the country have been thinking.

Here is Mr. Lever’s answer to Mr. Caulfield’s question, as previously quoted:

The wisdom of discriminating in favor of the local merchant must be apparent to any one who regards, for a moment, the danger involved in a system (parcels post) which would inevitably centralize the commerce of the country.

Now, candidly, how could a “friend” of a parcels post service show his friendship more nicely than that? Especially if he is a “farmer?” Or even if he is not, and merely desires the farmers to think he is their friend?

Why, Mr. Lever has Mr. Caulfield shoved clear over the ropes in that answer. Mr. Caulfield, of Missouri, may have full magneto and lamp equipment, but Mr. Lever, when it comes to a friendly, high-speed spurt for a parcels post service, shows all the latest improvements. No, sirs, Mr. Lever is not merely a last year’s model. He’s bang up-to-date—axles, drawn steel; forged crank shaft with eight cams integral; continuous bearings and bearings all ground; two water-cooled, four-cylinder motors with sliding gear; “built-in” steel frame, and running on a “wheel-base” of 106 inches. Mr. Lever shows all the other “latest,” necessarily belonging to the “best seller” class among late models.

However, I have probably mentioned enough to make it clear to my readers, if not to his constituents, that Mr. Lever is fully equipped to act the part of the farmer’s “friend,” a friend of the parcels post, or of any other old thing. Some may think he carries a little too much weight for a good hill-climber. It should be remembered, however, that some sorts of “friends” do not climb hills. They skip around the hills and get what they are after while we are climbing. When farmers and others of our producing classes wise-up to the brand of vocal friendship I am “insinuatin’ about,” such representatives as Mr. Lever will last about as long as it would take a one-armed, wooden-legged man to fall off the top of the Flat Iron Building flag pole.